I'm trying.....
I'm trying to be happy.
I'm trying to stay positive for everyone.
I'm trying to help them feel better.
I'm trying to be a good person...
But it's so fucking hard.....
I act like I'm this happy girl with so much ahead of her and full of optimism, when really...
I have no fucking clue what to do..
I'm scared.
I know what it's like to be called fat.
Ugly.
Worthless.
Retard.
Ya know... I wasn't even supposed to be born. I was supposed to be an abortion by the doctors because I wasn't supposed to have all of my brain. Only parts of it.
And they said if I was born, that I wouldn't live to be a year old.
I get shit for that by my little sister every fucking time we get into an argument.
I also have this thing called Aspergers. It's when you can't communicate properly with other people, and you get horrible social anxiety.
I mean, I can pronounce my words good. It's just.... I get terrified of social interaction outside of the internet, and sometimes even on the internet, I still get scared of social interaction because I'm afraid of judgement.
All my life, I've been judged. I couldn't do a damn thing on my own that I wanted to do without being judged by everyone else and getting picked on for it.
Oh, I was raised with my brother and two cousins who were boys? I'm a slut! I wanted to go look for worms?! I'm fucking disgusting! I wanted to play in the mud?? I'm a filthy pig!
Every single day, I wake up, terrified of the world and what it has to say about me...
And I don't know what to do...
I just.....
I just want to fit in.... Just for once....
Please..
