INSANITY

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Well after the rest of the stories told that night I was more than freaked out. I was going to give you more stories but there are a lot. Maybe I’ll add them as another short story later. For it seems my own insanity, or paranoia if you would rather call it seemed to be growing.

Well I was feeling more on edge. So maybe I had not dreamt up what I thought I saw and felt. But At least my pills let me rest enough to sleep more at night. Plus it seems, my visits with the doctor seem to be helping. We are figuring out that my worry for the security of my children. Seems to come from the fact that it was almost a miracle I was able to have them in the first place.

But I was still blocking the doors with the chairs. Even after the doctor told my husband he should not let me block the doors. He said I was getting my idea reinforced, when he would block them for me.

But hell, if I was expected to sleep I needed to make sure nothing could come in. I had gone to the extent of asking my mom to move in with me because I could not be home alone. She will be moving in with us in about a month or so. Mean while my husband made me the best gift ever. He has just gotten me a 9mm.

So I have a gun in my possession now. I smirk; wishing someone would come in now. Yeah it’s a sick thought but it brought me comfort. This means we are going to the gun range now so I can practice how to shoot it and not accidentally shoot myself.

Yeah accidentally, I think one night that I sit on my sofa with the gun in my hand. It’s just so pretty and so lethal. I smile remembering what my brother in law told my husband when I showed him the gun.

He told my husband “Man, are you fucking crazy? She has gone insane walking around with a butcher knife every night. Now you’ve gone and given her a fucking gun! Aren’t you scared you’ll wake up in the night and scare her, making her blow your brains out? What about the kids?” Yeah everyone was worried I’d hurt my kids.

But they don’t understand it’s them I’m protecting. From what, who the hell knows since now I’m even freaking out in the daytime? Thankfully my mother in law is coming around every morning now. It’s a big deal because she does not like me. But maybe now that she sees I’m not doing good she’ll be nicer, I thought.

But anyway back to my gun and my need to feel safe. Yes did I tell you he bought me a side holster? I find myself walking around the house with the gun at my side. Seems to make me feel safer, it’s been a while now. Even thought the doctors now think that what I have is a form of post partum depression. Or in my case psychosis, but I’m not crazy they say. Just have an imbalance of hormones.