INSANITY

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I found my voice then turned to the officers and said "I am so sorry. I heard a noise down stairs and" my voice trailed off. The officer looked at me and my husband, his eyes were trying to find answers all he could see was my scared face and my husband's confused face. He asked "was there a change in your routine today?"

My husband said, "yes I didn't go to work today. I have school and I'm leaving in fifteen minutes. I normally leave at five thirty in the morning."

The officer asked one more time "this is your husband?"

I looked at him and said, "yes and I'm so sorry" I whispered.

I thought back to what got me to this point. I can remember very clearly when it happened..

Flashback

My son was about a month old and I started to panic the moment it started to get dark. I felt like the walls were starting to close in on me and my heart would race. I started to get this panicky feeling. The first night I stayed up all night lying in bed, just listening to all the sounds in the house. Stupid house made to much damn noise when it's quiet. I tried to close my eyes and sleep. But alas, no sleep found me.

A week went by and still no sleep for me but now I found myself getting ready for the night. I went to the dining room and looked around. There are three windows here, any one can just come in and hurt my family. My insides flipped and I felt like my heart would just burst out of my chest. Every time night fall arrived.

There are two tables and a buffet chest in my dining room. I cursed the fact that the selling point in this house where the many windows and natural light that came into this room. It was one of my favorite rooms. Now it represented a means of entrance.

I thought hard and then went to move a table under every window and the buffet chest under the other. I started to put the dining chairs on top of every table. Surly they would make a lot of noise if someone came in through the window?

'What about the doors?' A little voice in my head asked. I spun around and my mind raced. The folding chairs, I thought smiling to myself. I went down to the basement and dug up six metal folding chairs. I propped 2 against the door leading to the yard. One against the door connecting the kitchen to the dining room, one against the door connecting the kitchen to the living room. Then took one to the main entrance of the house "Damn, why do we have to have so many stupid doors in this house!" I yelled at my husband who was in bed already.

He asked "what are you doing?" I didn't answer. He had no Idea, that I was having trouble sleeping. I felt a little safer, now that the doors and windows where covered. I lay down and tried to go to sleep, but sleep never came. I lay there listening to the sounds the refrigerator made. The ice maker started to empty the ice and I knew that's what the noise was.

My head unfortunately, was picturing something different 'no' my brain said 'that's the window! Someone is coming in through the window.' I lay there frozen, and all I could think about was keeping my family safe. I talked myself into getting up and investigating what the noise was. If someone had broken in, I would be able to scream and my husband would have time to protect the children.

I went into the kitchen after moving the chair that was propped up against the door. I flicked the light on and braced myself for what was there. There was no one and nothing there. I looked around (after I grabbed the butcher knife). I went in the dining room, removing chairs from the doors. The two bedrooms upstairs, the closet up stairs. I made a sweep of the bedrooms downstairs and the closets, still nothing.

That was the first night I tried to sleep with the knife under my pillow. The whole night went on like this. I think I went through the whole house three times in total.

In the morning I was dead tired. It's been over a week since I last slept. 'I have to sleep' I told myself, the baby was still taking long naps in the day time; so I should be able to sleep when he does. My husband went to work and my daughter to school and now I'm alone.

It's daylight so I should not be scared! I looked around the living room, to many doors. I moved the furniture around and couch blocked the door leading to the kitchen. One blocked the entrance to the hallway and I put the folding chair propped against the main door leading out.

I laid down and slept for about an hour, during that hour, I dreamt about someone breaking in. The dream was so vivid and so real. I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart was pounding. My head was hurting and all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. I looked around bewildered.

"What the hell is happening to me" I screamed in frustration. No one was home, so I could have my melt down and be composed when my family came back. No one must know, "I am a good wife. I am a good mother, that is all anyone needs to know." I tell myself as I look at the crazy woman reflecting back from the mirror.



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