verisimilitude (Yuzuru Hanyu X OC)

fumi ni jyuu ni

that was, back then.

today, i wish i could tell you all my regrets face to face and not through this method but oh well, we'll never be able to talk once this is over.

at least, we wont talk for a long time.

once again, it probably wont matter to you, but its fine.

ive already gotten used to it.

to be very honest, there wasnt much hype in 2015 because i had not participated much in skating that year. i did in the japan nationals and of course, got first place once again.

you dont see the behind the scenes but russian training is really tough. especially if you have to train for pairs skating too and have a mother whos constantly watching over your every move to see your practices and shes been a annual champion so you couldnt let her down.

its harsh.

but this was a life of an athlete.

there really wasnt any choice to be very honest.

i remember once most of the time i had spent besides on skating was on watching youtube videos.

i was constantly watching all your programmes and when i ran out of programs to watch, id either rewatch them or start watching my favourite kpop group, BTS.

they had honestly influenced my taste in music and i really found their life stories moving and interesting. and so, for the 2016 japan nationals, i decided to use one of their songs as the music i would skate to.

it wasnt hard to pick a song to be honest because all of their songs were very very hyper and i liked the energy.

it would definitely change the atmosphere i had with my usual songs chosen for me.

and so i shall take a timeskip to 2016.

yes i skipped 2015 entirely because you werent even there for me to talk to. sure id see you at the rink sometimes, vut we literally treated each other like we were strangers and nothing more.

our friendship was to be broken.

sad but change happens.

even if i really dont want it to.

so time skip to 2016 to the japan nationals. this was where all the troubles had begun.

and this might be where i need to end my story.

not a might.

i will end it here.

because i was skating to blood sweat tears by BTS and once i was done, you came to congratulate me.

for once, we had talked.

and i remember seeing you were your pooh bracelet that day.

i had worn my eeyor one that day too.

and i hid my hand purposefully so you wouldnt see it.

i couldnt let you find out.

but apparently, you did anyway.

because once i walked back into the locker rooms and you were about to leave, you had said to me, "nice bracelet."

at first i was confused because i had totally forgotten the fact that i had worn it.

then i looked at my wrist and realised that an eeyor bracelet was there.

and i remembered.

but that moment was not to be.

once i finished packing up, almost everyone was done and gone.

and so i opened up my locker one last time to check if i had missed anything.

i remember that before that i was out getting some stuff to bring back home as well and cleaning out my skates in the toilet as i needed to use water to rinse off some marks.

and i wish i didnt open my locker.

because there was just one piece of letter inside there saying, "we saw you. watch out during the pairs skating. evgenia will be avenged."

well honestly, my first thought was that they were dumb because who would put their idols name there to be tarnished if it were to be found out.

secondly, i was scared because it was only the first day i had talked to you in one year. and i couldnt have one last chat with you again.

but i gues that was just fates way of saying that it wasnt meant to be.

but life doesnt always work the way we expect it to be.

i remember the last thing that i ever wrote to you was for you to come for my pairs skating competition. i dont want to ever forget you but we'll see how it goes.

the big day is coming, and ive passed the paper warning to kei and my mom for them to handle after ive disappeared.

hopefully not fully but oh well, we'll see.

i hope to talk with you more once i wake up.

goodbye yuzu.

i love you.