verisimilitude (Yuzuru Hanyu X OC)

fumi ni jyuu ni

"at times you look at someone so much that you lose yourself within too."

so it had been one year after the sochi olympics that i decided to come back to japan again.

i mean, it was time to come back anyway.

and so we bade goodbye to the russian athletes and my partial russian coach.

yulia, evgenia and i had exchanged numbers and then we went back to japan.

of which, kei and my mother went back earlier because i had one last training with my coach.

honestly, id really miss her.

but of course, i went back to japan.

the place where it all started.

the place where everything would end.

how sad but it was meant to be this way.

there really isnt much to write about my coming back.

no one was there to pick me up because i took an earlier flight to avoid a mob of fans coming.

im sorry that i had to but if i did go and get mobbed, i wouldnt have time to skate at the rink once again.

i remember once i reached home i was pounced on by my younger sister, hugging me until i was about to choke.

"why !! didnt !! you !! tell !! me !! kei !! liked !! you !!" i remembered her telling me.

honestly i thought i would die in that moment because my sister was so obsessed with him.

"im sorry i just didnt want to break your heart."

"like as if that would hurt me, id just have to steal him back from you. anyway, i think youd be happier with him. at least after i saw the skating gala practices. you do know that a bunch of evgenia fans posted videos of her and yuzuru right?" i remember her blabbering off to me.

"no i dont."

of course i did. it hurt more than anything. in fact it was on my explore page on instagram and the first thing i saw in my tweets.

but what could i do?

you didnt like me and i couldnt tell you i liked you.

tell me, what should i have done?

firstly, you didnt belong to me.

secondly, i dont even know if we could be called friends anymore.

thirdly, i couldnt afford to let my emotions get the better of me.

i still had a career and i had to take care of my fanbase. i had a choice possibly, but i guess i was just running away from my responsibilities.

i didnt want to face it. i mean, who would anyway?

id rather live in denial than admit that i liked you.