Inside The Embers

.one.

DROWNING COMFORTS ME.

The burn of my lungs. The feeling inside me cracking like embers. The only thing reminding me that I'm here, that I control this: what happens to me. And then the fire builds up and I feel about to break over, I lift my head and take a deep breath into the darkness, into the guilt that hangs heavy in the air like fog.

December Fells. That's me. No one really likes me because I'm a screw-up, unable to be loved. Such a screw-up that my parents, the ones who were supposed to love me for everything that I am, chose drugs and alcohol over me when I was eleven. The burning in their lungs was far too pleasing; it was just enough, so they left. Or maybe I was taken away from them. I'll explain the sob story in a bit, but all in all, I guess that's where I really begin.

The burning sensation begins to leave me as the one resource vital to my being enters me, and I let out a few gasping sighs. I stand, the water slowly shivering its way down my body and onto the floor beneath me. Looking up, I see Rinella sitting cross-legged on a chair in the corner of the room, her arms over her chest as she eyes me.

I stare at her before I give her the best smile I can manage, though it's a fake. "Hey, how long've you been here?" I ask her.

"Are you having another one of those nights?" Rinella asks me and stands up, throwing her black hair over her shoulders. She takes a towel off the rack to her right and strolls over to me before throwing the towel around my wet body.

"What do you mean?" I say, though I know exactly what she means. Every once in awhile, I feel too overwhelmed. I over think and I let the darkness get to my head, and the night seems interminable from then on. Frequently, I resort to going in the pool and clearing my head. I submerge myself under the water and swim straight to the bottom where I stay for countless minutes listening to the water graze the pool floor. It's my source of escape.

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Rinella scoffs. "You know what I mean," she argues. "You feel like shit, you come down to the pool and think that no one hears you, and then you stay underwater for six minutes or more."

"Just trying to break a new record," I lie, grinning. "Was it really more than six minutes?"

Rinella's gaze is unsteady and strangely full of worry, but she puts it behind her and nods. "Hell, yeah. That must hurt, Fells."

"Don't question my skills and abilities, Fatten," I tell her casually, my heart already beginning to warm again. "You don't know what I'm capable of."

"You're always full of surprises," Rinella laughs. She slings her arm over my neck and begins to lead me towards the door that goes inside. "Come on. It's almost two in the morning and tomorrow night's Anthony Dwyer's end-of-summer party."

I almost choke on air. "Yeah, maybe for you."

"You're a funny one."

"I'm perfectly fine staying home and watching the latest episode of The Walking Dead, thank you very much."

"Come on, December. Marcus'll be there," Rinella pleads. She opens the door and we walk inside the house, my footsteps echoing softly due to the water coating me that has yet to dry off.

"Awesome, I can add that to my list of reasons why not to go," I begin to whisper, because even the softest sound will wake Tanya Fatten.

Rinella slaps my arm, the sound ringing throughout the large house.

"Ow! Quiet, you'll wake Tanya!"

"Oh, please, Mom is all the way upstairs."

"Despite all your efforts, Marcus and I will never be friends," I tell Rinella for the billionth time.