A Taste of Sin (Sin #1)

XLIII.

"Yes. I do." I don't even need to think about my answer. "Because what happened wasn't your fault. You couldn't know."

"I could know! I should know, for fuck's sake! I took my eyes off her when I knew she wasn't skilled in driving the bike yet and that anything could happen at any moment."

I shake my head, tears falling down my cold cheeks. "No, Alexander. It would be your fault if you pushed her under the car. In this way, it wasn't your fault."

Alexander doesn't say anything. He's silently smoking the cigarette. I don't know what to call it, but it just happens in a moment - too quick for me to think through, and I put my head on Alexander's shoulder. I feel his body get tense underneath me, but he doesn't say anything and he doesn't push me away.

I stay there, my head resting on his shoulder, staring at the lights of the houses and street lights, hearing the distant dog barking. I'm cold, I'm really cold, but it doesn't bother me. I'm still processing what Alexander told me.

He had a sister. There was another child in the family and they lost her. Oh, how cruel fate is. And now Alexander blames himself for what happened. All these years, he blamed himself.

"Is that why you don't acknowledge your sister?" I ask quietly.

I'm looking up at his face and he looks down at me, frowning. "What?"

"Because you're afraid the same thing might happen to her?" I lift my head from his shoulder. "Are you afraid to give her your love because you're scared you'll lose her, too?" I whisper when it's all getting clear now. Why he is the way he is. Why he's acting that way to Amelia - to everyone. He's been hurt before and is afraid to get hurt again.

Oh, Alexander. I want to cry for him.

I put my head back on his shoulder. And Alexander wraps his arm around my frame this time, pulling me to him. I hold my breath. He can surprise me so easily. He's really unpredictable and I never know what he's going to do.

"I don't know, Gabrielle. Maybe." I hear he doesn't want to talk about this.

I put my hand on his stomach. The move is instinctive and I want it to be comforting. "Amelia needs your love, Alexander. She needs her brother. You're not going to hurt her, you know. Have you thought about getting help?"

He tenses up. "Stop this, Little one. Stop getting all psychological on me and shit," he grunts.

I sigh. "Well, what the hell, Alexander? Are you going to live the rest of your life like this? Beating yourself up? Pretending not to care about anyone?" I want to move away from him, but he tightens his arm, not letting me.

"What about you, Gabrielle? You've got a story to tell, too, huh? One that's haunting you. Don't be a hypocrite here."

Is he serious right now? Is he seriously going to attack me for this? "No, no. Don't turn this on me. We were talking about you. That is a problem, Alexander, and you should talk to someone about it."

"I'm talking to you about it, aren't I?" he mutters sulkily.

I let out a breath through my nose. "You are. But I'm not qualified to help you." I don't even know how to help myself.

"Ah, Little one, believe me ..." he doesn't finish his sentence and when I look up at him, I see he's shaking his head.

I frown. What does that mean?

"Now it's your turn."

My frown deepens. "My turn for what?" I'm almost afraid to ask because I already have a feeling about what he has in mind.