BSD x Reader Oneshots.

Wind | atsushi

You know the feeling where you can literally feel somebody you love fleeting, moving through your fingers like sand? That was the only way to describe it, your pain, and his oblivious mindset.

Every day, you felt him moving apart, as if you two were stranded boats that were once side by side, but the wind carried your sail's opposite directions. Except, you stayed where you were once before, he was the one who moved.

He sat a little farther away from you, he left the office out with her early in the mornings, he kept meaningful conversation to a minimum, and physical interactions close to nothing.

He didn't notice it though, he was too innocent to purposely avoid somebody. He didn't think of it as something more than friends, but he blushed every time the little Port Mafia girl did something cute.

She loved him too, you could see it. It sickened you, knowing somewhere deep inside he felt the same way but labeled it as something else. She was four years younger than the two of you, why did he like her?

They had the same past. Bad childhood, orphanages, living with no purpose. They both had this connection you would never have with Atsushi, and that was why he chose her.

He didn't have to say it, he didn't know it yet, but he chose her. Kyouka.

Your heart shattered every single time you thought about it, every time he came into the office with his hand intertwined with hers.

"Are you okay Y/n?" Dazai asked, snapping you out of your thoughts as you dabbed the tears out of your eyes, not wanting to mess up your makeup.

"Yeah, I was just thinking." You managed to exhale out with a soft smile that wasn't genuine, the brunette knew you better than anybody, he knew the toll Atsushi's actions had on you, and every second of the day he wanted to beat his subordinate for not noticing.

"You haven't touched your tea at all." He frowned, making you look down at your now lukewarm tea. You sighed, and saw your reflection. You were beautiful, talented, kind, compassionate, why didn't he love you anymore?

"Sorry, I shouldn't be thinking about it again." You softly laughed it off, waving your hand in a dismissive tone as you picked up the cup, sipping out of it.

Dazai was one of the best friends you could ask for, he had been around since you first joined the Agency, the days following your high school graduation. He was a flirt, a suicidal maniac, but he cared like no other and didn't have standards like Kunikida-kun.

"Why do you submit yourself to this torture? You're losing sleep, time, and you're putting emotional stress on yourself." Dazai groaned, he was frustrated with the situation in which only he confronted you about, the others kept it to themselves.

"I-I don't know what to do." You whimpered, lower lip quivering as you were on the verge of crying in the maid cafe, which was currently empty besides the two of you and the workers.

"You end it, it's that simple Y/n." Dazai sighed out exhaustedly, stretching his arms behind his head in a crossed manner, soon lying his head on them.

"I can't do that Dazai, I love him." You muttered, sipping your tea as you tried to fight off your tears, the tea was the only thing distracting you from doing so. You happened to look out the window while you were drinking the tea, seeing Atsushi and Kyouka walking in the agency together...holding hands again.

You turned away quickly, hoping they wouldn't decide to come in the cafe since you and Dazai were here, while your guest took notice.

"Why do you love him if he doesn't love you? I don't understand it Y/n, please enlighten me." Dazai pressed on, he was going to break you, he was a master at manipulation. A former Port Mafia executive, the one who conducted interviews with the captured prisoners, the one who acted innocent until things got hard.

"There's just some part of me that hopes he's still in love with me, y'know?" You shrugged your shoulders, not even realizing the lukewarm tears flowing so gracefully down your youthful cheeks. You must have not realized the span of minutes that went by as the door chimed, signaling somebody had walked in. Your stiffening body knew who it was, or rather, who they were.

"Atsushi and Kyouka, greetings." Dazai smiled, forced beyond belief as it was his signature move, the two came over as you heard their feet shuffle a bit before standing at your table.

"Hey guys! What are you two here for, I went to the office to find you Dazai, but Kunikida said that you were here." Atsushi beamed innocently, then noticing your presence. "Oh! Y/n! I totally overlooked you for a second, how was your day?" Atsushi asked, a lighter tone to his voice as you looked up, hoping you had cleaned up most of your mess that you made from crying.

"I'm pretty okay Atsushi, thank you for asking." You croaked out, curing your dry throat from crying for so long. Atsushi still didn't notice as he stepped aside to reveal Kyouka, as Atsushi sat next to Dazai and Kyouka next to you.

You felt suffocated as you suddenly excused yourself, Dazai sending you a worried look as you hurriedly left the cafe.

You had to sit outside on the curb of the sidewalk before somebody else came out, Dazai. Of course Atsushi wouldn't come for you.

"I'm sorry, I can see it now." Dazai wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close as you began sobbing like a child, scared to let go for this sadness was too overwhelming. "You love him so much, don't you?" He asked to nobody in particular, looking up at the sky while you dirtied his jacket with your tears.

Atsushi must have noticed the time you both were out there as he soon came to check. "Y-Y/n, what's wrong?" The boy asked, not used to seeing the sight of a sad Y/n.

Dazai looked at you, sending you somewhat of a reassuring nod as he wiped off his coat, standing up and going back inside with an "I'll leave you two to it."

"Y/n? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Atsushi rushed to your side, sitting where Dazai had been before, just a few more inches apart.

Those few inches felt like a million miles.

"You don't love me anymore." You whimpered, eyes wavering as you admitted it for him, his eyes widening in realization of his actions. He knew he suppressed feelings for Kyouka, by they weren't like that, or were they? "You never talk to me the same, you don't come over, you overlook me, you haven't even physically touched me in weeks." You rubbed your arms, trying to shake the feeling away as you confessed, silent tears running down your cheeks.

"I'm sorry." Atsushi finally spoke up in a low whisper, his gaze locked with the concrete below him. The guilt weighed down upon him like a ton of bricks, and he had no excuse for his behavior, you felt your heart tearing in two.

"You were my reason for living, I wanted to leave this world before I met you." You sighed out, chuckling for the utter irony, "But I'm not your reason." You looked at him, watery eyes connecting to his wide ones.

You sniffled, and caressed his cheek, trying your best to keep your composure as you were still in public.

"I'll get over it someday, and I'm not mad at you for not loving me anymore." You sighed, standing up as you wiped off your pants, about to leave before he grabs your wrist, causing you to turn around.

"You don't hate me?" He asked, voice soft and worried as his hands were on the verge of trembling, you shook your head with a small smile.

"I don't think somebody could ever hate their first love." You shrugged, patting his hand as you left his grasp, slipping literally through his fingers like the wind itself does.

And soon, you faded into the distance, like a distant memory as he stood there, in the middle of a busy sidewalk staring at a figure that he could no longer see, and then he let his tears fall as he smashed his fist into the nearby brick wall. He cursed to himself as he cried, letting his tears fall. He went back inside to join the others again, after regaining his composure, his tears dried up by now.

Just like the wind, there was nothing at all.