Captain America Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Steve Rogers Fan Fic - The Constant

Chapter Ninety-One: Freya, Steve and Bucky - The Truth

The next morning Steve asks him how Freya is. He shrugs, says he hasn't seen her to talk to. Steve reminds him of his promise and so he makes his way to her room and knocks on the door. She calls from the other side.

"Who is it?"

"Me. Um Bucky."

"I'm just getting in the shower. What do you want?" she is curt, short with him. He has never heard that in her voice before.

"Um...just wanted to talk."

"It'll have to wait."

"Um...okay" he listens but hears nothing further and assumes she has gone off to shower. Slowly, he makes his way to the communal area to get some breakfast. The longer he leaves this the more difficult it is going to be for him to ask her.

It is the afternoon before he sees her again and as luck would have it they are alone. She has come to grab some reading books she left on the table and he is there.

"Hey! Hi!" he jumps up when she appears and she just smiles weakly at him, gathers her books and goes to leave. "Um Freya?"

You turn to see him standing there barefoot. His hair has fallen over his forehead and you want to brush it back. His arms are folded, his hands in his armpits, looking so innocent, so like James that your heart lurches. Why? Why does he have such a hold over you? You don't want to talk to him.

"Can we talk?" he asks. You say nothing, just stare at him. "Do you want to sit down?" he indicates the sofas, but you just shake your head.

"What is it? I'm busy," you say. He doesn't know how much it is costing you to just stand there and not move to be by his side.

He walks closer to you and for the first time ever you see he is unsure of himself, unsure of you. He looks into your eyes and you try to radiate confidence. You hate it when he studies you because you don't know what he is thinking.

He ducks his head. "Um....do you..do you still have periods even though um, they ah..." he coughs "they..."

"Sterilised me?" you finish for him.

"Yes."

You are a startled by the question. "No," you say and he looks back up at you frowning. "No. I don't have periods, why?"

"You bled...I mean, there was blood...Steve thinks...we both wondered.....why did you bleed? Did we hurt you?"

You look into those eyes. Those beautiful eyes that you could lose yourself in...but the anger you feel is still there, boiling beneath the surface. "Do you mean physically or mentally?" you ask bluntly.

He blinks. "Either?" he says.

"Both," you say and turn to walk away but he grabs your arm.

"Why didn't you say something?" he asks and there is a slight impatience in his tone.

You look at his hand on your arm and then at him, he takes it away. "I did." And now you turn and walk away. Your anger is simmering, ready to boil over.

He stands there for a moment and then chases after you. "Hang on, wait a minute...no you didn't," his voice is loud and he reaches for your arm again, swinging you around. "When, when did you say?" it's like a challenge.

"Oh I don't know Buck, I think it was when you and Steve were tearing me apart and I asked you to stop..."

"No you didn't..."

"...and you told me it was all right, everything was all right," now there are tears in your eyes and you are so angry that you don't want to cry - you want to hit him, stomp him into the ground. You step up close to him and look him straight in the eye. "I begged you to help me. Don't you remember what you said? Sssh, accept it, ride it out, enjoy it...you were tearing me apart, that is why I bled." You are shouting by now spittle lands on his face and he wipes it away.