Silently

Silently 4

"I've been dying to do that since you got into my car." He told me breathless. Still closed eyes, me staring at him as if he'd disappear any moment and realize it was really just a dream. But its not.

He opened his eyes and smiled at me.

Nakakahawa ang ngiti niya kaya I try to stop myself from grinning back by biting my lower lip.

Nakita ko kung pano niya ito sundan ng tingin saka napalunok.

Still close to each other. He reached for my chin and freed my lips.

Iniiwas ko ang mata ko sa nakakapanlambot niyang titig. Hindi ko kayang salubungin ang tingin niya pagkatapos ng nangyari.

Madaming tanong ang pumapasok sa isip ko.

Bakit niya ako hinalikan?

Anong meaning ng halik na yun?

May gusto rin ba siya sa akin?

Did he missed me thats why he kissed me? Does that even make sense?

Sasabog ata ang utak ko sa dami ng tanong ko pero walang lumalabas na tinig sa bibig ko para mag tanong.

Ibubuka ko na sana ang bibig ko para mag salita, ng kahit ano na lang para mawala ang nakaka ilang na feeling saming dalawa pero tuluyan ng na-blanko ang utak ko ng bigla nya akong kabigin at yakapin.

Na-estatwa ako. Hindi makagalaw. Ni hindi na ata humihinga. He is super close. And it felt nice. Safe. Comforting.

I felt like I belong here. In his arms.

Then he whispered.

"Please don't ask me why I did that. Because I don't know the answer either." I can feel his breathe near my ear.

Napalunok ako. Unable to make a move.

Ayoko ng umalis sa yakap na to. If only we can stay like this forever. But I know we cant. Once he would pull away from me, the magic will also fade. And I will wake up from this dream and realize I cannot have him. That he is not mine.

Oo, hinalikan niya ako. But that doesn't mean he liked me, right? Maraming pwedeng dahilan, maybe he's upset, mad, confused, caught up in the moment or he's just a playboy.

Ayokong mag assume. Ayokong mawasak pag nalaman kong mali naman pala ang akala ko.

Duwag na kung duwag pero hindi pa ako handang masaktan. Naguumpisa pa lang kaming maging mag kaibigan. So kung ano man ang dahilan nya sa paghalik sa akin. Hindi ko na yun lalagyan ng malisya. Hindi na muna.

My dreaded time came. He slowly pulled away from me but held my shoulder looking straight into my eyes. Eyes full of emotions. His eyes that I could not read.
Humugot sya ng malalim na hininga at mabigat na pinakawalan ito.

Is he upset of something? Kaya ba wala sya sa cafe kanina at kaya nya nagawa yun. Is something bothering him?

He gave me a slight smile.

"Pasok ka na. Baka pag nagtagal ka pa dito sa labas hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko, baka iuwi na kita." Namula ako sa sinabi nya. Gusto nya akong iuwi?

Napalunok ako para itago ang kilig.

He let go of me. Tumingin ako sa mata nya.

He motioned me to go inside.

I moved slightly, hesitating if I would go inside like what he said or just stay here, with him.

I choose the later, I turned around slowly and when Im at the doorstep of my house, nilingon ko sya.

Nginitian nya ko and motioned me to go inside. So for final goodbye, I waved at him at dali dali akong pumasok sa bahay. Pagkasara ng pinto napasandal ako dito at napahawak sa tapat ng puso ko.

Nakakabingi ang pintig nito.

Remembering what happened outside, a small smile crawl into my face. I touched my lips. I can still feel his soft lips in mine.

What the heck Coreen! You're like a teenager that got her first kiss.

Heck! IT WAS MY FIRST KISS!

That night, I could not sleep.

So, I open my laptop, mas mabuti ng gamitin ko ang oras ko habang hindi pa ako inaantok.

Nag eedit ako ng manuscript ng biglang tumunog ang notification tone sa facebook ko.

I switched the tab to my facebook account. Clicked the red notification saying I have a friend request.

Halos manlaki ang mata ko ng makitang si Ivo ito.

Nagdadalawang isip ako kung iaacceppt ko ba ito o hindi.

So after the mental battle. I decided na wag muna iaccept. Kunwari hindi ko pa nakita.

Nawala na ang isip ko sa ineedit kong manuscript. Hindi din ako dinadalaw ng antok. Ayoko ring mag facebook, maha-heart attack ako dun. Matutukso akong iaccept si Ivo.

In the end nakatulog din ako pero almost 3am na.

Oh my Ivo, what are you doing to me.

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April 23, 2017

Re-publish: June 4, 2017