~DIVERGENT~ Another Chance

Chapter 20: Pain

Tobias P.O.V.
We are lying in bed at the moment, Tris' back against my chest. I am just holding her, thinking about everything that happened this morning. My feelings are so jumbled that I can't make anything from them. I recognise pain, loss, anger, confusion and then love for this beautiful woman in my arms.
I would not have had the courage to go through what she had to go through. I would have tried to end my life long ago if I was where she was. How did she live and still be the Tris I fell in love with after that? How did she not lose herself in the process. I can feel Tris is still awake, so I whisper to her that I am quickly going to take a shower and then get dinner ready. I didn't even realise that we have been laying here for hours.
"No, let me get dinner ready while you shower. I feel like I am not doing anything," she tells me as she turns to look at me. I cup her cheek with my hand that I am not lying on and just stare into her eyes.
"You don't need to do anything Tris, you have been through alot and I want you to not exert yourself until you are fully healed." I say to her.
"Please, let me do this at least. It won't kill me to get dinner ready," she pleads.
"Okay," I whisper and give her a kiss. It was meant to be a peck, but she grabs my neck and deepens the kiss. I don't object, I can kiss her for the rest of my life. We lie there, making out for a while. I can feel Tris wants to let it go further, and I usually wouldn't object, but I know why she wants to and I feel that is not right if I take advantage of her in this state. She wants a distraction from everything.
After a while of kissing, I break the kiss and tell her that I am going to shower. She tells me it is fine and that she will be in the kitchen. I get everything I will need for my shower and head into the bathroom. I just stand in the shower and try to absorb all I have seen. After a few minute I realise that I have tears on my cheeks.
Seriously?
I am never this emotional and don't just cry for anything. After I try to mentally smack myself I realise why I am like this. When was the last time I was like this.
Tris....
She is the only person that makes me feel anything and I realise that whenever she is gone, feels pain or any hurt, those are the times that I am like this. That I have these emotions in me that I still can't fully understand. This last week and a half was the first time in nearly 3 years that I have felt anything this strong. I am usually just going with the motions of life - wake-up, work, eat, hang with the gang sometimes and sleep.
I let the hot water calm my nerves and wash away the tears. As I am drying myself, I can hear Tris in the kitchen. I quickly get dressed and look in the mirror to see if my eyes are red. They aren't at least and then I head to the kitchen. Looks like I was in the shower for a while, because I see she isn't far from done with dinner.
"You need any help?" I ask her as I enter the kitchen.
"Shit, you scared me!" she shouts after she jumped a foot in the air and turns to me.
"Sorry," I say as I head to her and take her in my arms. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's okay, I am just a bit jumpy and I was deep in thought. I didn't hear you finish." she tells me, giving me a light kiss. "You can set the table if you want, this won't take much longer." she tells me, turning to the stove again.
We finish our dinner and watch some tv. I can see Tris is trying hard not to sleep, she is blinking rapidly and her eyes are getting red. "Tris, try to get some sleep, please. You can't stay awake forever. I will be here if you need me, I promise." I whisper to her while standing up and picking her up bridal style. I switch the tv and light off and we head to the bedroom.
"Okay," she whispers, sleep already pulling her in. I am just as tired, but I think I am more mentally and emotionally tired that physically at this point. I know if I am going to close my eyes, I am going to dream about today and I need to be there Tris now. I lay awake for a while longer and feel sleep dragging me under.
After a while, which felt like minutes, I am awaken to screaming. I first thought it might have been mine, because of the nightmare I was having. It wasn't one of my best. After a few seconds, I get hit in the chest and kicked in the stomach. I am immediately pulled from my dream state to Tris screaming, crying and thrashing next to me. I jump up and try to wake her as gently, but fast as possible.
"Tris, honey. Please wake up," I whisper to her and I am shaking her. After a few second she wakes, screams and jumps off the bed, next to the dresser again.
Déjà vu much? I think to myself.
"Tris, It's just me. Tobias. You are not in the Bureau anymore. You are safe, I promise they won't hurt you again. Please see me," I tell her as I try to go to her. She is really cowering in the corner and it breaks my heart even more. After a few seconds she looks at me and whispers, "Please help me Tobias."
I walk the last few feet and grab her in my arms. Holding her as she cries into my bare chest. After about half an hour, she looks up at me. I look into her tearstained face and feel her reach for my face, wiping my cheek. Tears.
Fuck.
Again?
Can't I not cry for once. I hate feeling this weak. "It is okay Tobias, I am not judging you if you cry," she whispers, her voice thick with all the crying she has done herself. We just stare into each other's eyes for a while longer, her hand still on my cheek and me still holding her.
I decide that the floor is much to uncomfortable, so I start to get up with Tris in my arms. She quickly goes into the bathroom to wash her face and get into bed again, me holding her waist. She turns to me and place one hand on my chest with the other around my middle.
"Sorry I am such a wreck." she whispers, turning her gaze from my face.
"Please don't be sorry, I understand and I am so amazed that you came out alive and can still be yourself, even after everything you have been through. I doubt that I would have had the will to survive everything," I tell her truthfully.
She looks at me again and I give her a kiss. "Try to get some sleep, I am here for you." I tell her and cradle her closer to me.
"I love you," she whispers. I can't keep the smile off my face as she says this.
"I love you too, so much. Always have and always will." I say to her. I can feel sleep pull me under again, and I go gladly, with Tris in my arms again.

I honestly admit I cried writing this chapter. I'm sorry I have updated in a while. I've been working on a new story lately (one not on wattpad) and I got distracted.
Thanks for reading!
Be brave,

Christina Eaton 🔥