depressed...(completed)

This is where it started...

Introducing:
I am a girl named Troian, I am 15 years old and I live in the Netherlands, Haarlem.
I'm in high school, in the beginning it was really fun and I could handle my past but that's different now...

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When I came home from school I immediately ran upstairs to pack my bag and to be ready to leave...
I'm sitting in the middle of my bed not knowing what to do, should I get up and go where ever I want to go or should I face my problems and... Wait... How am I supposed to face my problems if I don't even know what to do or how to face them.
I was brainstorming about this for over an hour till I finally made a decision.

I walked to my bathroom closed the bathroom door and grabbed my shaving knife, I stepped in the shower cabin so I could clean my mess easily for when I'm done.
I pushed the knife on my left arm and felt a good pain, the pain that everyone else can't understand, the pain I couldn't describe, the pain that I couldn't feel anymore.
I threw the bloody knife in my trash can and cleaned the mess I made.
I felt a bit relieved and looked at my other scars, I ignored my thoughts about how I'm able to hide my scars in the summer and unlocked the bathroom door.

When I walked in my bedroom I saw that my window was opened...
I knew for sure that I hadn't opened it.
I didn't understand it till the most disturbing thought radiated through my brains.
What if someone is in the house, someone I don't know!
I grabbed my big knife that I hid under my nightstand and tiptoed downstairs to the ground floor.

My eyes widened as I saw him.
There was a tall man dressed in all black with a black piece of clothing pulled over his face standing in the middle of the living room.
He had my iPad and my mothers jewellery box in his hands, when he noticed me he and stopped with what he was doing and just looked at me.
I felt like my heart skip a beat and my breathing stopped for a second.

I felt the knife slipping out of my hand and heard it land on the wooden floorboards.
The most memory haunting, scariest, thing ever happened.
He led out a loud scream and ran up to me.
He grabbed the metal knife from the wooden planks and pushed me against the wall.
I felt a sharp pain in my left leg, I felt weird and didn't even move.
He smacked me in my face and I fell to the ground feeling numb, no scream, no fighting... just soft crying and a bleeding leg.
The man ran to the front door and ran away.
With my iPad and my mothers jewellery box in his hands.
And there I was... Sitting on the ground, I began to cry really hard and scream.
I felt like I was about to die not from my stab wound but it from my heart who was exploding out of my chest.

My neighbour must have heard me because after a few seconds he was kneeling in front of me calling with 911.
He was asking me things like if I could move my toes or if I could stand but I of course I couldn't.

After a few minutes I heard sirens.
That was a relief because I was about to faint and at that moment everything went black.