only his ; mafia!dazai x reader

regret and fear

In all his might the demon prodigy of the port mafia approached yet another crime scene, accompanied by his lower ranked  friend, Oda Sakunosuke.

"It's nice of you to join me, Odasaku~", the brunette chirped with a bright grin on his lips. The older one simply noded and started to look around the place.

It wasn't a new sight to them; two corpses lay on the ground, covered by a quilt. Dazai frowned and kneeled down to the corpses, inspecting them.

"They were killed yesterday night in the forest.", one of Dazai's subordinates spoke, handing a few pictures to the executive.

"In the forest, huh...".

Please kill me!

Dazai suddenly tensed up, causing Odasaku to approach him further and kneel down beside him.
Red orbs met brown ones and the brunette snapped out of his train of thoughts.
He coughed akwardly and gave the pictures back to his subordinate.

"So what do you think, Dazai?", Odasaku asked and stood back up, the younger one doing the same.

"I'm not sure, but-"

"Apparently two people were seen who killed them and than took their belongings. A male and...a female, sir."
Dazai's brown orbs widdened at what his other subordinate had said.

A male and a female?
Not the two survivors, right?

You aren't allowed to feel emotions during a battle.
You have to erase each and everyone without showing any mercy, Dazai.

Odasaku grew more and more suspicious. Something was wrong with his friend, there was no doubt about that. And forcing him to do that mission only worsened his condition.

"Guys, transfer this mission to another executive. Dazai is not feeling well.", Odasaku suddenly said, placing a hand on the executive's shoulder. He looked confused at Odasaku, but didn't say anything nor stopped him from doing that.

Meanwhile the other's on the crime scene were even more confused.

"That shouldn't be a problem, right? I'll take Dazai home."
With that being said, Odasaku dragged him away from the crime scene.

"What...was that all about, Odasaku?", the executive asked while allowing his friend to take him away.

"You're not feeling well, Dazai. I don't know what happened but I don't think it's good for you to lead this mission."

Dazai could only whisper his friend's name before he became completely silent. He couldn't say anything while his friend brought him back to his apartment.

___________

"How about a glass of water?"

"I'm not thirtsy."

A few moments later, Odasaku returned from Dazai's kitchen and handed him a glass of water while he sat down beside him on the couch. Dazai sighed softly and chuckled, taking a big gulp from the glass.

They sat in silence for a few moments, until the brunette decided to tell Odasaku what had happened the day before.
He was his friend after all.
He could trust him.

"So you are afraid."

"I'm not afraid, I just regret it!", Dazai retorted and pouted. Another sip from his glass followed.

"But it's because you'd do the same for (Y/n) that you felt pity and let both of them live, isn't that right?", Odasaku asked and also drank from his water.

"I guess", was Dazai's answer. The room fell silent again until Odasaku received a call and had to leave. Dazai thanked his older friend and was left alone in his and (Y/n)'s apartment.

Out of bordom he started pacing back and forth like a caged cat.
Things he felt he should have done, coupled with his perceived failures suddenly dominated his mind. He thought about his actions and words, finding them stupid.
Regret washed over him like the long slow waves on a beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down his spine. How he longed to go back and take a different path, but now that was impossible.

He had to get rid of these thoughts and busy his mind with something else.

His legs carried him to the kitchen shelves. Simple things that some use for cutting vegetables or fruits laid there, all organized between forks, spoons and chopsticks.

His bandaged hand grabbed one of them and he looked at his reflection in the crystal clear blade.

Just one little cut to forget.

"DAZAI!"

A scream rang through his ears and snapped him out of his trance. His widdened eyes wandered to the door just to see his girlfriend standing there, her (e/c) eyes just as wide as his own.

"(Y-y/n)...? I-I was just-"

"Don't tell me you were about to cut yourself again..."

"N-no, I-", before he could finish his sentence (Y/n) stomped over to him and took the knife away from him.

"Why...why do you want to do this again!? You already hurted yourself too many times! And on top of that you are not only hurting your body but also me! Don't you care about that!?"
Tears adorned her eyes as she yelled out those words, her grip tightened around the knife in her hand.

"(Y/n)-"

"I don't want to hear your sorry excuses, Osamu!". She wiped her tears away and opened the shelf, putting the knife back in. Followed by that she grabbed Dazai's hand and dragged him out of the kitchen, away from any dangerous things.

"You are such an idiot, do you know that!? You are so fucking stupid!"

Sure, the words hurted him.
But he deserved them.

The only response he gave was a nod. His brown locks casted a shadow over his face, hiding his eyes in the process, hiding his emotions.

"I'm sorry..."

"Y'know, I really thought that you realized that self harm isn't a solution. I seriously thought that you wouldn't think about doing it again..."

She was dissapointed and angry with him.

"(Y/n)..."

"You know what? I will sleep at my friend's place until I feel like you've made up your mind. Maybe that will help you realize."
The girl hurried to their bedroom and started packing her bags, and that was the moment when Dazai realized that he really fucked up.

"(Y/n), wait-!"
He followed her and grabbed her hand, trying to stop her.

"You can't just leave me like that!"