The War That Cannot be Won

Chapter 4

 I wake up shaking and take several deep breaths to calm myself. My blankets are in disarray around me, and I'm soaked in sweat. I can't keep going through this night after night. Whenever I tell people they tell me it will stop eventually. I've had the same nightmare for three years, how long do I have to wait?

"Ava?" I look up and see Addie. I grimace, thinking of her vacant stare and the bot behind her.

"What's up?" I ask, seeing the tears on her face.

"Today's drafting day and--" She trails off.

I say nothing but I get up and put my arms around her.

"A-and what if they take one of us. What if they take dad or mom o--or you. What would I do then?"

I hug my sister tighter and take a deep breath. "They can't really separate us, Addie. As long as we don't forget each other."

We stand there for several minutes. Then, her back straightens and when she speaks again her tone is completely different. "Ava Sage, you're coming out with me today. We're going shopping."

I roll my eyes. "Absolutely not."

"Oh come on, you haven't had fun in three years." She pauses and then says carefully, "That's not what he would want."

I draw a sharp breath inward. One of the unspoken rules in this house is that we don't talk about him. I expect the tears to start to come but they don't, I just stare at her, my mouth hanging open slightly. I sit there breathing heavily for several minutes. Addie just stares back unflinchingly. And then I realize that she didn't mean to hurt me. I needed to hear that. I shake my head a little. I don't think I'm capable of just 'going out.' The idea seems foreign to me, it's been too long.

"Ava, tonight something might change. I want to treat this as if it's our last day." The way she says it isn't as though she's giving in. Her voice holds hope for the future, but love for the present. I shake my head and give thanks that I have such an amazing sister. Without her, I would have shattered three years ago.

I smile, and part of me regretting it even now, nod.

***

"Where are you girls going?" My dad and mom are standing in the kitchen making themselves breakfast. Seeing them standing there brings the horrors I face every night back to the front of my mind. I cringe and start regretting my decision to go with Addie. She must have noticed it because she reaches out and touches my arm.

"You ready, Avey?" Addie asks. I smile wryly. It's been a long time since anyone has called me that. It feels good, though. I miss being a child, with all the innocence that comes with it.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"We are going out! We'll be back before 7!"

This is so stupid. Why am I doing this with so much happening? The draft is tonight. Any one of the people I love could be taken from me. Even Addie, she's 15. That's the youngest they take. They take you, train you, and then you are never seen again.

***

Addie dragged me to her favorite breakfast place, which didn't serve much anymore. Most of their signature dishes were served for one hour once a year, and they had to save up supplies all year for that one hour. The food was still decent, but we could have had just as good at home.

After breakfast, we head over to the mall. There are too many people, and I start to get nervous. My eyes dart back and forth, and I start shaking.

Addie links her arm through mine. "Hey, it's ok. We are here to have fun, remember? Just forget everything else."

Forget everything else.

I've been trying to all morning. But every time I look at Addie, I see a bot behind her with a gun pressed to her head. Every time I look around the town, I see it in flames.

Forget everything else.

Just for a day, maybe it is possible. Maybe just for these few precious hours with my sister, I can live in the same world I did three years ago. The war was still happening then, but everything was different. I'm not the same person.

Just for today.

"Alright," I say, my back straightens and my chin tilts up.

As the day goes on I really do forget. It's not easy, little things keep reminding me of the war outside our town, of the fact that no electronics work, that rations are low. I'm reminded of him.

But soon Addie and I are smiling more. And then we are laughing. I forgot how good it felt to laugh. Just to enjoy someone's companionship.

We go to every single store in the mall and then start the long walk home. Without cars, that's our only transportation. Bikes sold out in the early days of the war, and no one wants to make them by hand in our town. Walking and laughing with Addie, I feel the best I have in a long time. The best I've felt in three years. I gasp.

Three years.

"What?" We stopped walking, and Addie is looking closely at me.

"Three years, exactly three years. It's drafting day, Addie. They took him today. Exactly three years ago I lost him." My voice gets more and more hysterical as I keep talking.

Addie's eyes widen. "Oh, Ava," she says, her voice full of sympathy. The tears are falling hot and thick down my cheeks now. It's starting to get dark, and my vision is so blurred I can't see anything.

All of my previous elation is gone, and I feel numb inside. I can't think straight and I stand there rocking back and forth, sobbing.

"They took him."

I feel an arm go around me, and I here Addie's voice in my ear, "It's ok, it's gonna be ok. We have to go home now, Ava. Mom and dad will be worried. It's ok." She speaks gently like she's speaking to a small child.

When we reach home, I've stopped crying, but I still feel numb. Our parents are waiting outside, and without a word, we all start walking to the City Center. I'm going to find out soon if they are taking anyone else I love. They take people from each city, and the number is based on population. They take five from ours. And tonight, one of those might be another one of my loved ones.

It can't be, they've already taken so much.

We reach the Center late, and we find seats in the back. My throat is dry, I won't let them take anyone else I love. I grab Addie's hand for comfort as a soldier dressed in a crisp gray uniform walks forward to call the names of the five people. Five people who will probably never come back. The soldier opens his mouth and reads off the first name.