A Boy's Story

One step at a time (In other words: Rejection)

"I'm... not...?" I stuttered, a lump in my throat. He pulled tight against his chest, and I buried my face in his neck. I was holding back tears.

"No. And I'm so sorry! But I need you to know that I love you so much more! Your my world, but I loved him too, just not as much." Him?

"You love me more?" I asked. I felt him nod and squeeze me tighter.

"Yes I do, and I plan on loving you forever," he pulled back to kiss me. I kissed him back and started to push him back, laying on him. He was MINE. And he was going to be mine forever. I just couldnt bare the thought of someone else kissing him... someone else loving him...

I continued to kiss him, passionately at first, then it became more physical. I thought to myself, 'What I could do to claim him? What could I do to prove nobody else could ever have him?' I felt selfish for thinking these things, because I didnt know if he really was mine. Did he really love me as much as I loved him? I wanted to do as much as I could for him. But would he do the same for me? I thought over the possible options in my head...

I could propose... no, I'm way to young to get married.

I could ask him to be with me forever... no, its basically the same thing as proposing.

Only one other option stood alone in my head. But I didnt want to resort to that. I wanted to do that when I wanted too. Not when I needed too. In yet... we loved eachother so much... I loved HIM so much... maybe it was about  time we did it. But was I ready for it? Did I really want it? Of course. But I'm not as strong as Josh. I wont be able to hold myself against it, and eventually, I would give in to the insane 'want' coursing through my body. I DID want Josh. I wanted to be with him forever and long after.

Finally, I gave in and let my hand trail down to his crotch. THAT got him excited, but instead of responding, he pulled back and gave me a worried look.

"No," he said firmly. But I saw the lust in his eyes, too. I sighed and moved to the end of the bed.

"I knew it was going to be a longshot," I said, hoping he would give in to my fake sadness. He just gave me a sorry look. Damn, my plan didnt work. Then I started to lift up my shirt. He just stared at me, torn. He didnt say anything until my pants were off.

"Wow, um, what are you doing?" he asked, his face unsure. I felt bad using him in a state of hesitation, but I knew we both wanted it.

"Changing." My tone was mocking. His eyebrows pulled together.

"At the foot of the bed?" He asked doubtfully. I grinned.

"Do you mind?" I asked confidently. But deep down in my heart; I was scared as hell. I wanted this badly, but this was my first time... I had never shone my body to anyone but family before... much less let someone touch me. I shivered. But I fought off the fear and reached for my boxers, terrified but excited. Just as I was about to slide them off'; Josh leapt forward and grabbed my hands.

"Dylan, I know you might be ready, and I am too. But we CANT do this!" The look in his eyes told me that there was a good reason why.

"Why not?!" I asked, frusterated. He had stopped me right when I was most excited. He just looked down, breathing heavily.

"Because I dont want to take away your innocence," he murmered. I put my hand on his cheek.

"My innocence?" I asked, stunned, "THATS what this is about? If this is about my innocence then I dont want it!" I said loudly, "You can have my innocence, its yours already." I was positive about every single word that I was saying. The look in his deep brown eyes was pained.