e s p o i r

31. Illecebrous

"What?" I frowned in confusion.

"What What?" He blankly remarked, making me drown further into confusion.

"I do not recall mentioning a guy to confess feeling to. How am I supposed to take the chances?" I froze.

"You don't have to confess, silly. You can just do that by not turning away the guys who ask you out." He shrugged with that simple-as-that expression.

"You don't understand, Ash. Things don't work like that for me." I shook my head in dismay, "Don't compare me to yourself. We are two entirely different types of people."

"And how is that so?" He frowned cluelessly.

"Look, everyone loves people like you, Ash. And - I'm not like you." I sighed.

"What do you mean?" He shook his head, "Why do you think people like me?"

"Because you are - lovable. You are blessed with that quality, you are unexpectedly kind. A thing uncommon among good looking and popular people. That only you possess whilst being one of them. Its your quality. You have a 90℅ chance of getting the person you love to love you back." I twirled the thick soft threads of the rug with my fingers, "I, on the other hand, am a freak who doesn't know how to speak without stuttering in public."

"That does not make you a freak." He raised his eyebrow.

"You just do not understand. I'm not ready for a relationship." I turned my face towards the window, where the sunshine beamed through.

"Only if you keep telling yourself that." He locked his eyes onto me and held my jaw, gently turning its direction so that I faced him.

"Stop being stubborn, I can't get people to like me like that. Like you. Get everything done with the snap of fingers. Its not that easy." I resorted.

"For you, it is." He looked at me, his nutella coloured eyes melting right into mine.

"Why do you think so? What'd a guy like in me? My depressing past? My lack of self confidence? Or my below average communicating skills?"

"That's all? That's all the flaws you could enlist?" He pouted, "But you are so sweet, you always help anyone in need and you cook the most delicious macaroons ever."

"It doesn't matter. Human beauty these days is restricted to their appearances." I sighed.

He shook his head, "That's exactly the problem. That you attract so much attention, that every guy out there wants you, that you catch everyone's eye without even trying, that you can steal somebody's sleep just by curving your lips into a smile, that your eyes can set the world on fire, Yet you're so naive to notice that you are so SO - loved."

My eyes widened three sizes as I looked at him in shock, my heartbeat racing as he inched closer to me and cupped my cheeks.

"Don't believe me?" He sternly said before gripping my wrist and pulling me along, "Come with me."

He halted upon reaching the mirror hung on the wall of my living room and he positioned me in front of it so that I faced it, him standing right beside.

"You see that face?" He pointed at me, "It was explicitly carved to steal the breath away from from lungs of so many hopeless romantics. And trust me, even a person with two brain cells would fall for your cherry scented pastel pink lips moulded in a cupid shape. Your smile? It literally makes the days brighter. Honestly, everytime you smile, the sun melts and shines at its fullest in glee. It can cure diseases, It can erase suicidal thoughts and turn tornados into rainbows. And your laugh jingles and rings like Christmas bells and washes your face with such pure joy. It dances a ballet on your face, graceful and strong.

Your perfumed blonde locks always manage to stay tamed in perfect shape and tumble behind you when you gasp in shock. They smell like strawberries. And your eyes? Don't get me started on those. You have the most unique set of orbs, the shine of their color produces an ethereal impact. They flow and glimmer like sunlight shining on a river, canopied by the thick layer of your lashes.

And when all the heads turn your way, It is only due admiration. I have seen so many beautiful innocent faces in my life, but none could match the magnificence of yours, So don't you EVER underestimate yourself again. You are gorgeous, let that sink in."

I stepped back in agony as I tried to hide my rosy cheeks. The butterflies were having a parade in the pit of my stomach and I had never felt so much euphoric before. It seemed like a dream.

But then again, realization of the fact that his heart belonged to someone else dawned upon me causing me looked away in guilt.

"I cannot let somebody into my life." I whispered in defeat.

"But why?" He threw up his hands in frustration.

"Because I already love someone I can't have." I sternly said, "And I cannot betray him."

"Is it that childhood best friend you always talk about?" He frowned.

"How do you know that?" I gulped in utter disbelief.

"It's easy to tell because everytime you talk about him the stars in your eyes turn into constellations." He chuckled, "But the thing is that - you have to move on."

My eyes dilated as I looked at him with all of my brokenness condensed into a gasp as he continued,

"Serena," My original name left his lips after such a long time, "I know its gonna hurt but - he's gone. He doesn't deserve you. He lost his chance and you need to leave him. He doesn't care about you. If he did, then it wouldn't be me standing here in front of you now, It would've been him, Serena. He doesn't love you."

I could not comprehend how broken I felt at that moment, It felt like being rejected without even confessing. Every word was true and felt like daggers to my chest.

"You don't understand!" I yelled as a tear slid down my right cheek.

His expression only softened as he cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears off with his thumb, "I don't want to see you like this. I just want to see you happy and normal like any other girl. I need to see you letting people into your life. I want to see you trust again."

He exhaled before stepping back and holding his hand out, just like that once when I first met him in a forest. Forcing the same hershey kisses like smile as he spoke, "Please?"

And I fell for it again.

"Alright." I harrumphed, "We'll go to the library now, Lillie must be there. So, you ask her out and if someone approaches me meanwhile I wait for you, then I'll give it a thought, okay?"

"Deal."