The Day That I Believed

Who Should I Trust More?

(picture of Kyle)

Kyle held me while I cried myself to sleep. We lied on the cot with a blanket covering the top of me. My head was on his warm, soft bear chest. I was still dressed in someone else's clothes, which I'm guessing was either Kyle's or his father's. It was nice to have some there with me while I cried. I have to admit that I kind of liked the idea of having Kyle as a boyfriend, but I still like Ben.

This isn't complicated at all. Oh, wait it is. When I woke up I saw him looking at me with wonder in his eyes. I sat up looking out the window of his bedroom and saw my truck in the drive way.

"Kyle, what am I going to tell my dad?"

"You can tell him the truth. I'm sure he'll understand." Kyle was right. My dad would understand, because he's going through the same thing as I am. "Yeah, your probably right. But I can't help but feel scared to go home."

"That's understandable." Kyle got off the cot and helped me up. He walked me to the kitchen where my breakfast was already made. "Where's your Dad?"

"He works really early in the morning and late at nights so he probably won't be here for a while." Kyle explained his dad's work as I ate the pancakes that were made for me. "You must be tired of having your Dad work all the time."

"Honestly, I kinda like it. It gives me and my dad some space from each other. Ever since my mom left my dad, he's been working as much as he can." Kyle knows pain just as much as I do.

When I finished breakfast, Kyle walked me around their property line. I didn't really walk much though. He let me get on his back so that I wouldn't do anymore damage to my leg. It was a little weird when he was giving me a piggy-back ride, but I still enjoyed it. 

Kyle showed me around his land and I immediately loved it. There were wonderful things about this side of the country. I enjoyed seeing all the animals and the life of every little living creature, but I also enjoyed having fun with him. He knew how to make me laugh and he knew how to cheer me up. Every time we came next to a cow he would try to put me on it, but I would always resist. 

When I was thinking about how much fun I was having with Kyle, it made me realize that I was sort of in a pickle. Ben and I kissed on the football field. Now I'm with Kyle and it seems as if he really likes me. I need to think about this more.   

But who do I love more? Ben or Kyle? Well, right now there's no telling. But I hope I figure out soon because I think that they might think I like both of them. Kyle Matthews or Ben Warman?

Two different boys from different worlds. One that I grew up with and one I just met. I hate this. Why do girls have to worry so much about this stuff anyway? It's the boy's job to make the first move, which sort of already happened with Ben. The kiss was amazing, but what about Kyle? I can't keep fooling him into thinking that I like him more than I like Ben. 

"What are you thinking about?"  He said while sitting down next to me. We were in the middle of the pasture eating lunch and I guess he caught me just looking off into the distance. 

"Nothing. I just think we should head back."

"Why? Aren't you having fun?" How do I tell him nicely? I need to go home and tell my dad where I am. 

"Look Kyle, I just need to go home. I have a lot of things to do and I need to talk to my dad." He looked at me without saying a word. Then he helped me up and put me back on his back. We walked back to his house and then he set me down. 

He stood by my truck for a while. Then he opened the front door. "Here you go. Go home if you want to." He threw my bag inside and turned the ignition key.

"Kyle... I didn't mean..." 

"I don't understand you Leigha. I mean we were having such a good time and then you have to go on and ruin it." I was heartbroken by his harsh tone. I didn't know what to say. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did ruin everything.

"Kyle, you are right. I ruined everything. I ruined my families' happiness and my own. I ruined my mother's life. I caused this! I caused her to die!" I started screaming at the top of my lungs. These words came out like the speed of light. I had no control over what I said. 

Kyle looked destroyed. His face had empathy written all over it. Then when he noticed I had stopped yelling, his face went back to normal. "You aren't the only one in pain Leigha. Stop acting like you are. This isn't just about you and your mom, it's about your whole family. You aren't the one that died."

What did he know? I was there when she died. I was the cause of her death. He doesn't understand how that feels. He has no right to tell me these things! No right!

"Goodbye Kyle Matthews." I got in my truck and drove off without saying another word. He stood there watching me leave with pity in his eyes. He wore sadness on his face like the night wears stars, all over.    

How could anyone speak to me like that? No one should ever talk to me that way. I deserve respect and loyalty, not this! No one understands what I have been through. I repeat, no one.