Lost Daughter

Chapter 22

"Okay. Have you noticed anything different about yourself after your mother's passing?" Dr. Adams. "Perhaps sleeping, or lack of energy."

"At first, nothing too serious and out of the ordinary, but as time flew by, I started having more and more nightmares regarding her death and my troubled past, and it escalated into flashbacks, and me not getting enough sleep because of my nightmares. I would feel numb, as if everything was drained from me, I would get angry for no reason and distance myself from others. One of the biggest thing was I would see my mother when she's not really there," I informed her.

"Okay. Do, do you think about you mother a lot? Whether you're at home or just spending time with loved ones, does your mind drift away to your mother?"

I nodded. "Now that's all I think about. There's things around that just unintentionally remind me of her, and my mind just brings up a certain memory of her. No matter how hard I try to suppress it, it just keeps coming back and it gets worse," I said. "Just thinking about it, much less discussing it, gets me feeling really anxious and I start to panic a lot."

Dr. Adams nodded and jotted down some notes on her notebook. "I understand. Can you tell me about some of the things you dream about?" she asked. I brushed a lock of hair behind my ear and gulped down some oxygen. "For the most part, it's just a certain memory regarding of me getting severely beaten by my mother. Other times, it's me back at my old townhouse home back in Manhattan and my mother's screaming at me for ruining her life and wishing that I was dead, and trying to kill me. Nightmares like that.

"So you're a victim of child abuse, am I correct?" I nodded.  "How long has your mother been abusing you?"

"Nine years, give or take. She fell in alcohol addiction when I was four and it just started from there," I said. "Most of my nightmares revolve around the, um, abuse. You'll have to forgive me, I'm not used to telling people my issues."

"You seem to be doing fine with me," she assured me. "Have you been keeping your distance from people?"

"My family, mainly my father. I grew up not knowing who he was or his whereabouts, so it's somewhat hard for me to talk about how I really feel during this whole thing. It's not like I do this intentionally, but more out of fear because I tend to think that if I do tell him, I'm just burdening him with my problems and I don't want him to worry about me even more. My father has enough to deal with."

"Right, of course. It looks like to me you have post traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, as it's normally referred to. It's not uncommon for people to have this mental injury. Veterans and sexually assaulted women suffer from it as well. In your case, your PTSD manifested from the constant abuse your mother gave you growing up as well as her death combining into one. Is that okay?"

I nodded again. "Yeah, that- sounds fine," I said. "Great. So in future visits, I want to talk to you about your emotions about this entire thing and your relationships with your family and whatnot, an of course we will go at your own pace, but in the meantime, I know a psychiatrist in the area who can prescribe you some medication for sleeping and depression. Okay?"

I nodded and let out a breath. "Yes, of course," I replied. Dr. Adams nodded and wrote a couple of more notes down. "Great, well then I will see you next week, Victoria. It was very nice to meet you." I shook her hand walked out.

~Time lapse~

"So how was the session?" Danielle asked me.

I looked at her and shrugged. "Long. But it was... good," I admitted. "Dr. Adams was nice. It was hard talking about my mom, but other than that, the session was good." 

"That's good. I know how hard it must have been for you, but I'm honestly proud of you, baby girl," Daddy said. "I have to say, mija, you never cease to amaze me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I didn't know you were into girls. When were you going to tell me, baby girl?" I blushed and looked at the folded piece of paper in my hand, with Micaela's, the flirty girl I met a the therapist's office, number written. I didn't know what was more shocking to me: the fact that she was seriously flirting with me, or the fact that she gave me her number and kissed my hand. 

"Vic, stop teasing your daughter," Danielle scolded, smacking his arm. "Don't listen to him, Victoria. Your father's just a butt."

"That hurts my feelings, Danielle."

"I didn't know you were capable of having feelings."

I giggled and rested my head on my hand, eyes closed. I heard a cell phone ring, and Daddy's voice came up.

"Hello? Hey, Erin. What's up? What? Is he okay?Where are you? Okay, we're on our way. Yeah. Okay. Bye."

"What happened, daddy?" I asked him.

I opened my eyes and saw a concerned look on his face. "That was Erin, baby girl. Tony's in the hospital."