Padfoot's Weakness - HP / Marauders time travel

10: Padfoot + Padfoot Patronus = Love

"Okay, how about another time?" he tries again.

"I'd lo--" 'Nope, nope, nope! You're his GODDAUGHTER from the FUTURE! LET IT GO.' "Sorry, I'm busy that day," I interrupt myself.

Sirius' frown deepened. "I didn't say when we could go."

"Oh...."

I fidgeted slightly, aware of the rest of the group's eyes on us. I poked at my breakfast, purposely avoiding Sirius' face. Dammit, now what?

"Ren, did I do something wrong, or--?"

'Ren. Ren. Ren.'

My fork clatters onto the empty part of my plate as my jaw goes slack. Ren.

REN.

How had I MISSED that?

//

"You know what I'm talking about, Ren!" 1997 Sirius snapped, a single tear running down his cheek. "We loved you! I loved you!"

//

How the fuck did I MISS that?

Sirius already knew me, before I travelled back in time. The timeline had already been altered. Which means he recognized me with my newly dyed hair when he snuck into Hogwarts before confronting me in the forest. THAT'S why he called me Ren!

'Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.'

"Ren, are you okay?" came Lily's voice.

Fucking REN. That means Sirius falls in love with me. And I leave him without even TELLING him! And he doesn't know who I really am!

I abruptly shoot up from my seat, snatching up my messenger bag. I don't pay anyone any mind, instead bolting out of the Great Hall and back to my dorm.

Once I reach my dorm, which is shared with Lily and a couple other girls, I begin pacing. I run my hands through my stupid lavender hair, a habit I formed back when Harry and I were accused of being the heirs of Slytherin in our second year.

I'm panicking now. What the fuck do I DO? So many crazy thoughts are running through my head.

One: Before I was even sent back in time, the past had already changed. Two: Sirius falls in love with me, and stays in love with me for over 14 years. Three: I leave 1976 without even telling him! And FOUR: In 1997, he knows who I am now!

"How did I not see this SOONER?" I groan aloud. I mean, seriously! Renley. RENley. I feel completely and utterly stupid.

I flop back onto my bed, hiding my face in my hands and letting out a frustrated wail, which thankfully came out muffled so no one else heard.

I CAN'T do that to Sirius. I can't just--just LEAVE him after making him fall in love with me! I can't give all this up and let Sirius suffer! And what about James, Lily, and Remus? They probably suffer as well! I swear, on the first day of classes in 1997, Snape was giving me long stares! He probably recognized me TOO!

I sighed loudly, thoughts drifting. I think of the tearstained face of 1997 Sirius Black, leaning over me and demanding why I had left him. I see 1976 Sirius Black staring at me heartbrokenly just minutes ago as I stupidly said no to a date without giving a real excuse. I compare their eyes, a gorgeous silver-gray in both times. I recall both their faces, young and old. They're both incredibly handsome.

I think of young and old Sirius. I picture 1997 Sirius still draped in his Azkaban prisoner uniform when he cornered my friends and I in the Shrieking Shack. I compare that Sirius to this Sirius, with lively eyes and tight fitting clothing. I compare their personality traits. How young Sirius is flirty, playful, loyal, and loving. How older Sirius is joking, loving, loyal, but can turn stern and completely serious at important moments.