i don't remember what it was about him that was so unique from the others. maybe i had found my antichrist hidden amongst a bunch of jesus' disciples, and finally, finally i had found the person who would be there to catch me if i fell down the fucking ladder that carried me to my way to hell. because honestly i was ready to fall. just not into this. not into a slimy, gooey trap adorned with ripped up pieces of sadist song lyrics and streams of gold blood. because i bleed amorous, uncut gold, not red, nor black nor blue.
god, i loved him. i don't even know the fuck why. he looked like a catalogue model, that's for sure. his eyes pierced blue, even his skin was a sickly pale tinge of blue. i'd like to think we loved each other, that he adored me with as much adulation as i had for him. but riot grrls never lie, not me at least. oh dear, there was the way he danced. with his helpless gazelle trot where he would gracefully zip across the floor, take you in your hand and swing you through his legs like it was 1978 all over again. he'd swing you until your head was engulfed in constellations and pentagon outlined stars.
he taught me the stars like it was his real religion, like how a satanist teaches satanism. i saw the sky as more than just a big space above our heads made up of gas molecules and vapors. i remember when he put a telescope in front of my eye and stood behind me and whispered, "the sky... is endless. it's all around us. the atmosphere is all around us. this road will never end." that was the first time i ever saw a star. ever really saw a star. for a guy who wasn't real into what was beyond the sky, he sure loved the stars. i think that was it. or maybe it was... no, i couldn't put my finger on it. hell, i wish he could. and honestly i thought it could work. the fake virgin mary with the wannabe lucifer. but when sparks fly, especially with two separately united flames competing to burn higher and higher, you're up for an electrocution.
i hope peoples like this one. i got the idea (in the pic above, #2) from this writing prompt website, and tomorrow i will be starting the thirty days of writing challenge!! not all of it will b poetry tho so we'll see. i find that when im not feeling stressed about writing and im not super worried about the quality of my writing is when i write best. and alone in my room. or to escape other people when i am around them. i get SO stressed out after reading peoples' poetry because i constantly compare their beautiful, "real writer" poetry to my guppy poetry and i get jealous n judge myself and write angrily and look up synonyms for words and look up "i love writing but i suck at poetry" and this was not one of those moments. i just let it flow with me and im proud of this piece. peace,
wolf
