Not What I Expected.. *Harry Styles Love Story*

Chapter 4..

its been 3 weeks now since my mother died. I havent been out at all. I havent been to school and if i did i wouldnt do my work and would shout at the teachers and my class mates. Even Ed. I havent seen him in 2 weeks. The last time i was in school. I called him a man whore and he told me he never wants to speak to me again. I turned off my phone and smashed my laptop. All i did was sit on the couch all day and watch movies. But dont blame me, my mothers just died. Im sitting in the room where she died. Im broken, and yes i admit it. My worlds fallen apart, the one person who was left of myfamily was gone. None of my mums side of the family wantd to talk to us and never gave us contact details, i was an only child and my so called 'father' left 7 years ago for another woman without a goodbye. Thats when my mum started the drugs..i tried to stop her but i couldnt so i turned to my solution. Self Harm. I would slice my wrists and the bottom of my hip with the razor or scissors,anything sharp enough to draw blood from me. I still have scars but i cover them up. No one knows. Not even Ed or Frankie. Then 3 years later when i was 13 i started to drink, i would only cut if i was really upset. Like now. But ive resisted the temptation. I threw out all sharp objects and only lived on drink. Even the one person who i never thought i would want turned up.

Harry.

I dont know why but i wanted him. I wanted him more than anything. More than Frankie. More than Ed. Even more than any of my 'family'. But no. He didnt turn up. He never even tried to contact me. I know your probibly thinking 'she had her phone off how would she know? she smashed her laptop with a hammer, how would she know?' well i did know. I would turn my phone on occasionally to check and see if anyone even cared for me. And every single time it was blank. Just my wallpaper of me and my old bestfriend. My bestfriend that left when i was 7. I missed him. Harreh. My Harreh. Your probibly thinking 'why is she so hungover onher bestfriend that left when she was 7? shes 17 now, move on' when no. it wasnt that easy. I loved him. More than anything. Harreh was my life, my bestfriend, my first ever boyfriend. yeh i was 7 so it wasnt a real relationship with all that lovey dovey stuff.it was just cuddling and a kiss on the cheek and we were always with each other no matter what. I snapped out of my thoughts for a moment and looked over at my phone that was on the coffee table. I hadnt checked in a week. Why not now? I reached out and grabbed it and pressed the on button on my blackberry. The wallpaper of me&Harreh popped up with ablank screen. I waited a few minutes for it to load. And what happened?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

I was craving it. I threw my phone down onto the ground and picked up a beer bottle. I downed it all then fell to the ground sobbing. The botted landing on the floor with a 'SMASH'. Glass everywhere. Noone cared for me. No one wanted to know how i was. I bet they wouldnt even care if i died. Thats what i wanted now. To die. To be with Mum. Let her know that i love her. I hadnt told her that in 7 years and i regret it. I should have been there for her. We could have helped each other through this. If i had just not have given up on her and tried to get her off the drugs then maybe she might still be with me now. But shes not. My mums dead because of me.

"ITS ALL MY FAULT!!" i screamed at the top of my voice.

I broke out in more tears and pulled my legs up to my chest and hugged the tightly. I crawled over to a sharp piece of glass laying on the ground. No one cared. I snatched the object up from the ground quickly and hovered over my left wrist. Before i could change my mind i slowly but quickly slitmy wrist 6 times. One for being mean to Ed. One for my dad not being there. One for me not being there for my mum. One for what Mason did to me. One for Harry not calling. Finally One for Harreh not returning like he promised. I watched as the blood rolled off my arm and onto the 'not-so-white-anymore' carpet. I leaded back onto the couch. My eyes started to feel heavy and i closed my eyes. I was about to drift off to sleep when i heard a beeping noise. I opened my eyes quickly as my blackberry screen lit up.