The Way

Chapter Twenty-One

She watched as the older woman's lips thinned and her arms crossed over her chest.

"Then what is it about? I wouldn't blame you for having reservations."

Emma sighed for what seemed the millionth time and her eyes fluttered shut for a brief moment.

"It's just...what if...this doesn't work? What if we're misreading this whole thing, if we're wrong?"

She heard Regina sigh and then felt the lightness of the woman's fingertips against her forearm, but their time there was far too brief.

"I am not wrong, Miss Swan. Not this time."

"Then we have to do this, no matter what."

Emma realized the severity of her words milliseconds after they had been spoken, and she instantly wanted to kick herself. Those words...they told Regina that she was against this, that she was unhappy with Regina's sacrifice...that she was sorry for what fate had laid out for them. In that one little moment, Emma Swan realized she had just told Regina Mills the very opposite of what she had intended. She knew it was so by the flickering of her perfect brows and the immediate glistening of her eyes and the way she sucked in a breath and sharply rotated away from her. As the impractical heels began to clack swiftly up the sidewalk, Emma Swan ran after her until she could wrap her fingers tightly around Regina's arm and spin her around on the porch. The woman's lower lip trembled and tears were flowing freely now as Emma came close to her.

"Let go of me, Miss Swan."

"No," Emma retorted, reaching her hand up to remove the tears but finding herself swatted away and Regina backed herself against the door.

"You've made your position quite clear to me."

"No, Regina, I have not. I didn't mean that at all the way it came out."

"You don't have to explain, Miss Swan. I understand your feelings on the matter and believe me when I say I'm not unaccustomed to this sort of reaction."

Emma was growing increasingly frustrated and so she took another step forward and placed one palm against the door to one side of Regina's shoulder. It was the second time in a very short span of time that she'd had the woman in a position like this, and Emma felt her stomach knot. What was she doing?

"I didn't know it would turn out like this," Regina rambled on, refusing to look her counterpart in the eye. "I never asked for any of this...I never wanted those dreams, I never wanted my mother to come back...to take you hostage...nor our son, or your parents...but by some awful twist of fate, the love of my life found his way into your heart and reached out to me, Emma. I never imagined I would have to be the one to make this kind of choice for you. I stole your life from you, Emma, for the second time, and I can't ask nor expect you to go along with it for my sake. Even for our son's sake. There are a thousand better options in the world for you than me. I'm a woman...not a man...I've done things that make you and everyone else hate me...things that can't be forgiven...I'm anything but what you envisioned for yourself, I'm sure. It's not fair, and I'm sorry it had to be me. If I could have given you someone else...anyone else but the revolting, undesirable disgrace that is me, I would have."

Now it was Emma's turn to tremble. The arm she held against the door threatened to buckle. Regina's words had struck a chord in her, and as she took in the sight of the woman whose downcast eyes dared not to look up at her, Emma Swan wanted to scream at her. Revolting? Undesireable? A ball of fury began to swell in the blonde woman's chest, when she realized Regina was being completely honest with her. This was what she thought of herself, and Emma thought she felt her very soul trying to break.

After everything Regina had done, everything she had gone through, all that she had tried to change...she still thought herself so lowly as to be undeserving of the affections of another. And, although Emma seemed apparently quite far behind the times in exploring her feelings for the brunette, realization that she possessed them at all was not so surprising as she might have expected. Regina was as much a part of her life as was Henry and her parents, and that alone was enough to convince her that her emotions were within reason.

Steeling her nerves, the blonde slipped the index finger of her unoccupied hand beneath Regina's quivering chin to lift her face and eyes. The gesture was met with resistance at first, but when Emma moved her weight from the door and allowed her other hand to settle against the side of Regina's neck, the woman seemed to go limp beneath the touch. Their eyes met, the brown encircled with a red tinge and the lashes glittering with tiny droplets of tears but Emma still thought they were beautiful, that they couldn't be any more beautiful, and then the hand under her chin moved itself between the back of Regina's head and the door. Emma dropped the hand from the woman's neck to grip her upper arm, realizing without a doubt that the body of the normally strong and stoic Regina Mills was shaking all over and seemed so unimaginably frail that it was all she could do to stop herself from beginning to sob as well. It reminded her of the night she'd first stayed with Regina to help her with the nightmares, of the way she had clung to Emma seeming so utterly desperate for closeness and a sense of safety. In that moment, Emma knew without a doubt that she never wanted to have to experience something like this from the woman ever again. In that moment, Emma Swan knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was not so against the idea of loving the fallen queen as she'd once thought.

And so it was that she placed her forehead against Regina's, their eyes closing in unison, their breaths coming together and the two halves of the heart beating in sync.

"Regina..." Emma whispered sadly, not yet opening her eyes, "The only thing I find revolting and disgraceful is the way you think that what you're saying about yourself is actually true."

She heard a slight gasp and Emma pulled her head back, their eyes meeting once more. She could see the misgivings flickering across Regina's features; she could feel the tensing of her midsection that hinted she was about to speak and probably deny what she had just been told. Emma released her swiftly and took a step backward.

"Don't be so quick to assume you know what I want and don't want, Madame Mayor," the blonde told her, her voice stern, and she watched Regina's mouth close before she could speak. "I need to go to work now, but if you'd permit me to do so...I'd like to stay the night and try this again."

The Sheriff twiddled her thumbs nervously as a rather lengthy silence fell over them.

Then, finally, "Of course, Miss Swan."