Thanks to Music [complete]

Chapter Thirty-Three

For only two

And when I'm with you

So close to feeling alive

Slowly, the other couples faded around me, until in my mind there was only Jamie and myself. We kept our eyes trained on each other's, and in hers I picked up sadness, wariness, fear, longing, need, love, caution, pain. But she was lost in the moment as I was. She leaned forward ever so slightly, until both our foreheads were touching.

I closed my eyes, the last sight being her closing hers. She was in my arms now. She was with me now. The way she was twice, before I fucked up. This might be the last time I'll ever hold her like this, like my girlfriend. What else can I do but hold on to this moment for as long as I could.

A life goes by

Romantic dreams must die

So I bid my goodbye

And never knew

So close was waiting

Waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All I wanted

To hold you so close

"I'd give anything to freeze this moment and live in it forever," I whispered, as the lyrics of the song hit me like a fucking train. She choked slightly, and even without opening my eyes to see her she had her bottom lip between her teeth, the way it always was when she was trying to hold back tears.

Yes, I've always wanted to hold her this way. I've always wanted to love her properly, be with her every way possible, spend every second with her and hopefully...share the rest of my life with her. Without a doubt, the best times of my life were with her, and now it might always just be a mere memory, never to become reality again.

I should've loved you right, I thought to myself, finding it harder and harder to control myself. She was so close. It felt like she was mine again. I'm so sorry for everything, Jamie, I wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out.

So close to reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this one's not pretend

And now you're beside me

And look how far we've come

So far we are

So close

So close, I thought, echoing the softly sung words. I love you, Jamie, I tried to say, over and over again but the meaningful words just wouldn't come out. The stupidity I felt in trying to project it to her mind and have her hear and believe it paralleled the desperation building in me to keep her with me always.

Oh how could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now

For the trillionth time, the cold hard fact that I would never be able to live through losing her hit me again, making me open my eyes slowly. Watching her, taking the time to memorize all the fine features of her beautiful, angelic face, I realized it again that I just had to get her back. There was no other option, no other way. My resolve strengthened again, and I only hoped that I'd get that golden opportunity to let out my heart and soul.

We're so close to reaching that famous happy end

And almost believing that this one's not pretend

Slowly, she opened her eyes to gaze into mine. The moment seized me instead of the other way around, and without thinking, without the slightest hesitation, I murmured, "I love you, Jamie."

Let's go on dreaming

For we know we are

It's not a dream, I thought desperately in my head. It's not a dream. It's real. It's all real. This feeling is real, this moment is real. Just let me make the memories real again too, I begged.

Slowly, we leaned closer to each other. Both of us seemed to have forgotten about my fuck ups, my mistakes, where we were, my inability to love her right and find the right words to tell her how I felt. Both of us were too lost in the moment. Both of us were leaning ever closer to each other's lips.

My eyes closed, and she mirrored my actions. Our lips were almost touching, almost meeting. My desperation shot past the limit, and as we were about to kiss I felt the warm liquid from my eyes leak and run down my cheek.

So close, so close

Our lips finally met, the perfect meld of a kiss, the perfect kiss with the balance of mutual desire and love and longing and need and innocence.

Yet still so far...

Ohmygod, I freaking cried writing this chapter...

I guess it's cuz of what's going on with me now :(

Saying goodbye in this chapter with the promise of an update soon...