I wake up and look over my shoulder causing waves of pain radiate from my lower back. The medication is helping a little bit though.
''Oh honey, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up.'' The nurse...Natalia? Natasha. The nurse's name is Natasha.
''No, I am just in a little bit of pain.'' I tell her. ''I haven't been able to sleep.''
''Oh, I am sorry.'' She says sounding anything but sorry. ''I cannot give you more medication than your given dose.''
''It's fine.'' I answer. ''Do you know if my family is outside?''
''No they went home but they will be back soon.'' She checks stuff around the room and asks randomly, ''Is the gentleman who was here your boyfriend or something?''
''I guess.'' I answer turning back around so my back is facing her. She leaves without saying anything. I look behind me and I notice that she left a cup of water on the table beside me.
I stare at the blank wall, god knows for how long, until I look over my shoulder to grab the glass of water. I frown when I see that sitting beside my glass there is a piece of paper.
I grab it and unfold it. STAY AWAY FROM HIM. Him? Tom? Who the hell left this here and when did they leave it here? The nurse never came back and I never noticed anyone else in my room. The letter must be from a jealous fan or a really bad prank. Maybe they confused of room or something.
Any who, I am never going to see Tom again so the person who left this here shouldn't worry anymore. Usually in books and movies the person who gets the "warning'' letter is freaked out but I'm not. In fact, I think its quite pathetic and funny. Why can't they just say it to my face? Like, ''Hey you bitch, stay away from my crush.'' I smile to myself but it vanishes quickly.
I'm really, incredibly stupid right? Why the hell did I pretend I didn't know Tom? I remember the accident and everything but I'm not angry at him. I'm angry at myself for being such an idiot but it wasn't his fault. He broke up with me but that doesn't mean that I shoud not try and fix it right? Gosh, I don't know what to do.
Jaz comes in through the door a few seconds after I'm trying to sort out my thoughts. ''I remember him.'' I tell her. ''I do remember him Jaz.''
''Why didn't you say anything?'' She asks. Her tone doesn't sound angry, just sad. Which may be worse.
''Because before the surgery he...he broke up with me and everything. He said he didn't have time for a broken seventeen year-old girl in his life.'' Tears fill my eyes. Seriously! Why do I always get so sentimental in hospitals?! "He doesn't love me anymore.''
She laughs, humorlessly. ''Are you really that stupid?''
I'm hurt by her comment but say instead, ''Stupid? Yeah. What I am stupid for, I do not know.''
''He broke up with you because he feels guilty about the accident and all. Seriously. It's been killing him for months. He's been torturing himself and...'' She sighs, ''He hates himself for what he thinks he did.''
''But he didn't do it! It was me!'' I say.
''Sia, it was no one's fault. Well, maybe the driver's because that stupid idiot was going over the speed limit before running into you.''
''Did they catch him?'' I ask.
''No, they didn't catch her. It was a woman on the wheel.'' She answers. ''Anyways, she doesn't matter anymore, she's gone. The thing is that Tom doesn't understand that it wasn't his fault. You have to convince him otherwise and let him explain what happened. And I know that you will want to blame someone for what happened to you but there's really no one to blame this time.''
I nod, ''You're right.'' She smiles before leaving.
I will talk to Tom and convince him that it wasn't his fault. No wonder he got this guilty and pained expression on his face whenever I mentioned the accident. It was killing him. And it still is. I will go to his house once I can move without wanting to die from the pain. I will tell him everything and if he doesn't want me back, at least he will stop blaming himself. I just want for him to be happy again and the best for him. Although a little piece of my heart wishes he were with me.
******************
Five Weeks Later
I've worked my ass off at school and stayed up until three in the morning working on homework and waking up again at five.
The surgery went fine, except for the part where I died a little for a few minutes. I can walk normally now and I can barely see the scar anymore. I used a wheelchair, then crutches and now I am trying to jog. It hurts, but I'm getting there.
Mom and dad didn't get a divorce and he is now away again but mom seems fine. Jaz is also back at home and now we share rooms because of the nightmares. Mine are usually about the accident. I'm in the car again and I see the other car heading towards me but I can't move and then it hits me but I don't wake up. I turn to see if Tom is there and I see him there. Dead. That's usually when I wake up and can't go back to sleep. Tobias and I are like two freakin' toddlers fighting over stupid stuff and then five minutes later, we're best friends again.
I have gotten a total of two other letters. The first one was the hospital, the second one appeared in mail for me saying: He never loved you and never will; and the third was a week ago saying: He is MINE.
I can't say that they didn't make me shiver but that's as far as it got. I want to talk to Tom so badly but I can't find time and when I do, he's working. It has to be soon because I know that shooting isn't going to last forever.
Today though, is Saturday and for the first time in the last weeks, I have absolutely nothing to do. I get into my car and drive to his apartment shaking and with an anxious twist in my stomach. I remember to take the stairs (stupid elevator) and get there in a few seconds. It doesn't even hurt so I do a little happy dance at the top of the stairs. Partly because I finally walked up a flight of stairs without it hurting and partly because I'm about to see Tom.
I have to admit that I am wearing a dress (and I absolutely hate wearing them) and more striking make up. Not enough to look like Lady Ga Ga but enough to notice a difference in me. I wonder what he looks like and how the movie is going. I wonder if he still feels guilty.
I knock on his door and wait a few seconds until I hear him yell, ''Wait a second!" The only sound of his voice makes my heart beat quicken. Today is also my birthday and I secretly hope he remembers.
The door creaks open and my jaw nearly drops. I see Natalie Portman standing there. In one of Tom's shirts and a pair of boxer shorts. She smiles and my stomach sinks to my feet.
''Hi.'' She says. ''Oh my gosh, you must be Sia.''
''Yes.'' Is all I answer.
''Tom can't come to the door just yet.'' She smiles wider. I hate her perfect smile, her slim figure, her flawless skin. And I hate the shirt covering her. ''He is...wait, why are you here?''
Oh no. She knows that I remember him. Of course he told her that I forgot him. ''I uh...I got flowers from this address.'' I have a flashback to when Chris Hemsworth was standing in front of me and not Natalie Portman.
''Really?'' Her eyebrow goes up as she frowns. ''Huh.'' Oh no, now she will ask Tom why he sent me flowers. I'm going to make them fight. Well that wouldn't be bad considering that they're sleeping together and I would really love for them to break up. ''I'll call him.''
''No!'' I say quickly. ''It's okay, just don't tell him that I came please.''
She frowns but agrees. I say bye and her stupid perfect smile appears on her face. I walk away nearly crying. I press the elevator button and get inside the giant metal box. This day can't get any worse
The sudden jerk of the ground and the lights flickering off tell me otherwise.
