Viva Vindictus -- The Cliff

Chapter 10 - Naked, Raw

I stopped growling and stood stock still. Something was getting through, I was ashamed that I hadn't reached out for help, that I had felt alone and cut off. I felt ashamed that I deliberately turned my back to my pack, to my source of healing energy when I needed them. Being Luna wasn't just carrying the massive responsibilities of the member's welfare, it was also a reciprocal relationship.

It worked both ways.

I needed them also and I had forgotten that and walked away from them. I had been willing to just leave them exposed and hurting. I hung my head down and looked at the reflection of the cold moon silently moving overhead.

Then entire forest was silent, except for the waterfall behind me. The water was splashing, cutting through the heavy air swirling around me.

I shifted back, standing naked before my pack in knee deep freezing water. I was exposed in all my glory, all my mistakes were wrapped around my misery. Which pulsed from me like a wounded, ugly thing. A grotesque creature that I'd been feeding, that I'd been keeping alive.

My monster.

My pack was telling me I should have stayed and fought. That a Luna would fight for the pack.

"I'm... sorry. You're right. I didn't fight for you, I didn't stay to fight for my shattered heart." I blew out a breath and felt my tears. I didn't want to cry now but I couldn't help it. And for once my wolf was quiet and I felt... sort of whole... for the first time in a long while.

"I didn't stay to fight for my damn mate, I ran when my stupid heart broke into a million stupid pieces!" I shouted this to the sky. I shouted my anguish as my feet became numb to the cold while warm tears tracked down my cheeks.

I lowered my head and looked around me at all the wolves surrounding me. "And I didn't stay and fight for you." I fell to my knees, I was too tired to stand, too tired to keep my heavy mask on and I felt my monster crumbling. "I didn't trust that you would help me, that you would be there for me. I simply ran, and I'm sorry."

Maggie walked forward and shifted into the magnificent woman that she was. "Like your mate is sorry? He's changed, Luna. We've all watched him, he hasn't bedded any other female- and we were watching him like a hawk. He started to become more involved in pack life to make up for your absence. To start to work to make up for his mistakes."

Maggie put her fists on her hips, "He's changed and we can all feel it, our link has changed, become sharper as he became more invested. Our Alpha stayed to experience our disapproval, our censure that we threw in his face every day. Our Alpha finally started to become the Alpha we need, that we all believed he was capable of becoming."

Huffing out a breath Maggie continued as I stood there crying and listening. "We see your imperfections, Luna, but we believe in you. All of us here," and she gestured to all the females surrounding me as I noticed I could no longer feel my legs, "support you and know you can become the Luna that this pack needs."

Maggie and a few other women walked forward into the water to pull me up, but my legs buckled under me from the freezing water. "It's time to move on, Luna. It's time to decide to move forward in whatever direction you decide. In whatever way you need to heal, and especially in whatever way you need to punish your cheating mate. We will help you, but only if it makes you stronger. Only if it makes you both stronger, makes the pack stronger."

"It's time for you to heal, Ellis. Decide to heal now."

And the women lifted me up and wrapped a blanked around me, and half-dragged me to a small fire that had been started. And I noticed that several other small fires had been started, many of the males joined in to put blankets around their females. All the females were being taken care of by all the available males.

A singer started to sing the old songs, the ones about the history of our ancient warriors fighting evil forces. Heroes and heroines that defeated their enemies to defend their packs, their kingdoms. More people joined in and their voices surrounded us once again, all were familiar with the lore, with the stories of our ancestors.

The songs were about surviving, overcoming adversity. Feeling Kyran walk toward me, I was somehow glad he sat beside me. He heard everything that was said and I felt the hope that stirred within him. I simply didn't know what to say and just stared at the fire as my tears slowed. I also felt Maggie move away to join her mate.

Hearing his deep, low voice I closed my eyes as I listened to my mate. "I love you Ellis. I will keep saying that because it's true. I've been a shitty mate so far, but I will prove to you the truth that I've changed, by my actions each day. I will prove this to you, just give me time. And stop fucking avoiding me." He sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards him. And I was too tired to fight right now, and I leaned into him.

Feeling all their eyes on me I just kept looking at the fire, smelling the smoke and hearing the popping sounds of the wood burning. My wolf calmed as I leaned into my mate, I was giving him another chance, willing to start living next to him and leading the pack with him. But I wasn't ready to trust him with my heart yet, but I was willing to give my bleeding and stiched together heart to my pack.

I was ready for that, to let them help me heal.