Chapter 18

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Have you ever seen someone and for whatever reason it seems as if everything just stops and you can't think of anything else, you just think of going to that one person and spilling your guts? It's as if nothing else in this entire world matters, only you getting to the someone. For whatever reason, I ran. I had on heels. That kind of hurt.

When I finally got close to him, which by the way felt like years, he didn't even look up. He just kept his elbows on his knees and stayed looking at the ground. It's like he didn't even notice me. I felt like I was Alex. The little nerd who no one notices. I drank some more. I was a little tipsy. I finally walked the rest of the way to him.

"I've done it. I finally know why I did it.  I was scared. I thought that if no one really knew who I was then no one could hurt me. I could be indestructible. I had seen so many people get hurt, not just physically but emotionally. I didn't want that. It was hard. Holding two completely different lifestyles. One that no one likes, everyone bullies, and has no control. And then there's this other person. The one everyone looks up to. People love her and everyone comes to her for advice.  I realized that neither of these are me. There is no reason to be them anymore since there is no purpose. I know now. I have came to terms with my decision. I have raced, I have fought, I have partied, and I have studied. I am now ready to be me." I couldn't stop talking. It was as if my brain was puking words. "This week has been a great but also bad one. Great because I did and learned so much but bad because I couldn't talk to you. I like you Blake. I can't help it. I think it could be so much more than like. I wouldn't be able to be with you the way I am now because these people, these goddamn people, they're horrible. They don't understand how much they hurt." There were more tears in my eyes now. What made it worse is that he still had yet to look up. I knew he could hear me. "Will you please at least acknowledge that you can hear me?"

He looked up.

"I hear you." Barely above a whisper. "I heard everything you just said. I always hear you. Don't ever think anything less. I couldn't stand this past week but I had to not speak to you. If I did then I wouldn't of been able to figure all kinds of things out either. I like you a lot. More than you know."

It took a few minutes of us just staring at each other. I was still standing. I sat down. We slowly leaned in and kissed.

"I have a question." Blake asked.

"What's your question?"

He took in a nervous breath and spoke, "Will you be my girlfriend"

"Well of course" We smiled at each other and sat in a comfortable silence.

"So you never told me. Are you keeping Alex and Lexie or are you finally becoming yourself?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I have a plan and I need your help."

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A few hours later we had planned everything and were ready to go home. The problem was that we had to find Alex. That boy turns into a complete drunk idiot at parties. One time I found him laying in a kitchen pantry singing the Wizards of Waverly Place theme song. Another time he was outside trying to catch stars. So guess what we found him doing this time.

Alex was butt naked lying face down in the bushes outside. I took a picture and grabbed a stick.

"What are you doing with that stick?" Blake asked right as i threw it hard at his butt.

"Throwing it."

"Good. I thought that you were going to stick it up him."

"I thought about it at first but then I realized that I would be the one having to get to splinters out of his asshole."

Finally Alex made a sound. I walked over to him and made him get up. Blake helped me walk him to the car.

"Do you need help getting him home?"

"No he's staying at my place and my brother will help me get him to his bed."

"I didn't know you had a brother."

"Yeah. He's been gone for a few months. He just got back yesterday. I actually haven't really even had time to talk to him."

"So I guess that's a no to asking you out tomorrow."

"Not necessarily. I'll be at the race tomorrow night at 8:00."

"Alright. See you there."

"See you there." I got in my car and drove off.

When I got home, I texted Cody, which is my brother by the way, that I was home and needed help with Alex.

Cody and Alex have been friends about the same amount of time as I have been with Alex. The reason Alex and I are such good friends is because he used to come over for play dates with Cody when they were under the age of three.

Cody is a year older than me. He graduated from high school last year and left a few months ago to work on cars around the country . Cody and I are pretty close. He and Alex are like body guards for me. They protect me with their lives. Even though I am perfectly capable of knocking some guy out all by myself.

"How much did he drink?" Cody asked as we were bringing him into the guest room that should pretty much be his own room. He's here enough.

"I'm not really sure. I lost him like thirty minutes into the party. Chances are he got herpes tonight. He left me alone and Lyndey found me. She talked my head off." Cody had a short thing with Lyndsey last year. He was a senior and she was a junior. He pretty much ruled the school while she was still climbing her way up the totem pole. No one knew that Cody was my brother because people knew that Cody was Lexie's brother. Cody, just like Alex, hated my arrangement.

He wanted people to know that we were siblings so that they wouldn't mess with me but I said no. The only way I got them to agree with me was if I let people know that Alex and I were friends. They felt a little better after I agreed to that.

"Ewe, Lyndsey." I saw him visibly cringe. "Are you still acting like you're two different people?"

"Yes but not for much longer. That's what I need your help with."

"Whatever you need sister."

"Thanks"

"So any boyfriends?" He asked as we sat down on the couch. We had just gotten Alex in bed.

"There's this guy."

"Oh really? Do I know him?"

"Nope. He's new to school. He races just like us. He's not too bad."

"As long as you like him, he likes you, and he treats you right I'm fine with it."

The rest of the night was spent with us eating candy, watching movies, and just catching up.

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