I Accidentally Destroy the Mafia

Chapter 4

"Shizu-chan, it's Dazai!"

"And now you even think that you're a man," she grumbled. "Don't blame me if you grow a beard."

Her door slammed open and Dazai burst into the room. He gently shook her a few times, and she finally opened one eye.

"...oh, Dazai-san. How can I help you?" Shizune asked, yawning.

She glanced at the clock on the wall. It hasn't even been an hour yet, she thought, frowning. He'd better have a good excuse for waking me up.

"It's an emergency," he said. "Someone's holding an employee hostage and demanding to see the President. They don't know your face yet, so you might be able to convince them to stop."

Shizune looked shocked. "Ok, I'm coming!"

She quickly got up and followed him to a room that looked like an office. Dazai gestured for her to go in and she cautiously stepped inside. In front of the window, a brown-haired man was pointing a gun at a young boy who was gagged and tied up.

The man noticed her the moment she walked through the door. "Hello there! Are you a part of this agency?"

"Um, no. I'm delivering pizza," she said.

"You don't have any pizza," he pointed out.

"...I ate it on my way here," she replied. "Sorry."

The man sighed. "Well then, go away. Shoo shoo."

"Actually, it'd be nice if you could not kill that boy," she said. "He's...the cousin of my sister's cousin of my uncle's grandma's pet fish twice-removed."

He frowned. "That makes no sense."

"My family's messed up. Don't judge," she retorted.

You know what's even more messed up? his hat suddenly said. Your sense of fashion. Who wears a white coat with a white shirt? And those jeans -where did you even get them from? The local dump?

Shizune glared at his hat, took a deep breath...and began to tear up.

"It's not like I don't care!" she said, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I want to wear a black coat too, but do you know how mean those things are?"

The man blinked. "Huh? Wait-"

"And the shoes too! They're always like, 'damn, girl, how much do you weigh? You're crushing me!'."

"Look, I'm not sure what you're talking about, but-"

"And especially the gloves! It's always, 'don't touch that! No, don't touch that either! God, don't put me on those dirty hands of yours'. And-"

"Ok ok!" he said hastily. "Don't cry, let's just calm down and-"

At that moment, Shizune lunged forwards and pulled the boy out of his grasp.

"Ha!" she said triumphantly.

The man frowned in irritation, and pulled out a small black box that was about the size of a coin.

"It might look small, but it's powerful enough to blow up this entire building," he told her.

He pulled a remote out of his pocket and pressed a button. On the tiny screen of the black box, a 10-second countdown started.

"Let's all die together!" he said cheerfully.

For a moment, Shizune felt as if time had frozen. She could've run away as far as possible and saved herself. She could've covered the bomb with her body and saved the boy. She could've screamed and fainted and saved no one. Instead, she grabbed the bomb...and swallowed it.

"EH?" the man yelped in surprise.

She closed her eyes and waited for the explosion, but nothing happened. A few seconds later, she heard the sound of clapping from the door. Opening her eyes, she stared in disbelief as Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, and several other people entered the room.

"YOU ATE THE BOMB?" Kunikida yelled in disbelief. "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Shizune shrugged. "Like Alex always says, 'if you can't solve the problem, then just eat it and forget about it'."

"I think she's talking about cooking," Dazai commented.

"Same thing," she replied dismissively. "So...that was a test?"

Atsushi smiled apologetically. "I also went through a similar experience when I joined a few days ago."

"What do you think, President?" Dazai asked a man with silver hair.

"Well, that was definitely...an unusual way of dealing with the situation." The President chuckled. "I'll leave it up to you, Dazai."

"So...does that mean I passed?" Shizune whispered to Atsushi.

He nodded, smiling. "Congratulations, you're officially a member of the Armed Detective Agency!"

A woman with short black hair walked over to Shizune and shook her hand.

"My name's Yosano," she introduced herself. "I'm a doctor. The person who was pretending to be a criminal is actually Ranpo-san. He works here too."

"...I see..." she murmured.

"Your fake crying was very realistic," Yosano told her, sounding impressed. "You completely fooled me."

"...haha, yep, totally fake," Shizune replied awkwardly. "Actually, there's one thing I really want to do right now."

"Sure, what is it?"

Ranpo's eyes widened as Shizune turned towards him, looking absolutely murderous. She ran straight at him...and grabbed his hat.

"Wha-?" he exclaimed in confusion.

She walked to the window, leaned against the ledge, and threw the hat out as far as possible. Then she turned around and glared at Ranpo.

"I dislike your hat," she hissed.

Spinning around, Shizune brushed herself off and stalked out of the room.

***

A/N: I've always wanted to write a scene about the characters and their abilities' names. I mean, do they come up with random names or do they just naturally know what the names should be? I went with the first option because it's more interesting^^ Please vote, comment, etc.