I Accidentally Destroy the Mafia

Chapter 3

"Why am I not dead?" she asked between fits of coughing. "I can't haunt Alex if I'm not dead."

"Oh, Dazai-san pulled you out of the water," Atsushi told her.

"You completely ruined my suicidal mood," she grumbled. "Now I actually have to face my problems and go look for a job."

Dazai tilted his head. "Judging from your clothes, you're here on a trip. If you're looking for a job then are you planning to stay in Japan?"

Wow, his observational skills are sharp, Shizune thought.

"If I can get a job, then I'll stay in Japan," she said. "If I can't, then I'll go back to New York in a month."

"Well then, Shizu-chan," he said, "I know a place where you can find a job. It's a detective agency not far from here."

'Shizu-chan'? she thought in surprise. Only Alex ever calls me that. Did he somehow hear my conversation with her earlier?

"The name just sounds cute," Dazai said, smiling. "I didn't eavesdrop on your conversation with your friend."

HE'S A MIND READER! she thought in shock. OH MY GOD THEY ACTUALLY EXIST!

He laughed. "No, I'm not a mind reader. I'm just slightly better than most people at reading facial expressions."

"...right," Shizune replied, not looking the slightest bit convinced. "So about that job...?"

"First, I want to ask you something," he said. "What did you mean earlier about me being a crossdresser?"

"Oh, some guy was threatening to kill me, so I said that I was actually you in disguise to throw him off guard."

Dazai looked extremely curious. "Why was he threatening you?"

"Because I blew up the boss of the Grey Mafia."

There was a moment of silence.

"...OH MY GOD I COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT I BLEW UP THE BOSS OF THE GREY MAFIA!" she yelled in horror. "What if they send assassins after me? Should I change my name? Should I start crossdressing too?"

HA! You're so screwed, Dazai's coat said. You'll be dead by the end of this week!

Shizune's eyes narrowed. "Um, excuse me? Who are you to tell me when I'm going die? Mind your own business!"

The coat snorted (yeah, apparently coats can snort). Because of you, I'm completely soaked. Shouldn't you apologize to me?

"I'm not the one who jumped into the river while wearing you!" she snapped. "Why should I apologize? You apologize!"

"I think she finally snapped," Atsushi whispered.

"Shizu-chan, why don't we go visit your new workplace?" Dazai said, looking completely unfazed. "If you join, I'll help you get out of your predicament."

Shizune focused on him. "You will? Thank you so much! You're a life saver."

Dazai helped her up, and the three of them walked to a street that she didn't recognize.

Suddenly, Shizune stopped dead in her tracks. When I was drowning, didn't I...dream about something? she thought, frowning. What was it again? There was a girl...and a boy? Who were they?

"Shizune-san?"

She snapped back to reality and saw Atsushi looking at her worriedly.

"Right, new job. Let's go," she said quickly, and started walking again.

After an hour, they reached a red brick building on the side of the street. The moment Atsushi opened the door, a man flew out and kicked Dazai in the face.

"DAZAI YOU SLACKER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO COME BACK HOURS AGO!" he shouted furiously.

"Kunikida-kun! I -ow- brought back -ouch- a new employee!"

Dazai casually introduced Shizune and told Kunikida about what had happened to them (while being repeatedly kicked in the face). Meanwhile, Dazai's coat shouted profanities at Kunikida and screamed at him to stop kicking dirt everywhere.

(A/N: Unfortunately, I can't tell you what the coat was saying because otherwise I'd have to rate this story M.)

"So you're Shizune?" Kunikida asked, after kicking Dazai one last time. "Do you have any experience in solving crimes?"

"I have some experience," she replied. "...I think."

Kunikida nodded. "Alright, then welcome to the Armed Detective Agency."

***

A/N: And that's the end of the chapter! Who do you think are the children in the flashback? Feel free to type your answers in the comment section:) Please vote, comment, etc.