Antichrist [m.h. AU]

Overthinking

It was Christmas Eve already. I was at my mums in the morning playing Nintendo games with my brother while she made cocoa and chatted with her new boyfriend in the kitchen. Things felt alright over the last 2 days. Like my short encounter with Oliver was over with, he texted me the next morning apologizing for being so forward the first night and that maybe we should hang out when we're not intoxicated.

After a family brunch I decided it was time to go see my dad and hang out with him. On my way out I bundled up in coats and slipped on some gloves. "Violet honey there's some gifts under the tree for you if you wanna take them home." My mum said picking up two boxes. I thanked her while saying goodbye to my siblings and told them I would be back tomorrow night. Right before I headed out my mum stopped me. "Wait. There's a present for Matty under the tree too if you want to take it to him?" She picked up a smaller bag holding it out to me.

"Awe mum you didn't have to get him anything." I said taking it from her even though she was unaware Matty was on the other side of the world right now and we were refusing to speak to each other. Taking it anyways I knew to just drop it off at his house with his friend who was with Allen. It'll probably sit on his counter for weeks.

"Don't mention it. He's like family now." She smiled giving me one last hug and letting me out to the cold. I went to my car putting my things in the boot and turning the heat on. Sitting in the drive for a couple minutes I warmed up. Leaning back and twisting the ring that could only fit my thumb since Matty's hands were much bigger than mine. I put it on once Oliver left two nights ago. Now every hour I find myself toying with it like it was Matty's fingers wrapped around mine. I missed him that was for sure. It felt really weird not lying down next to him and the dogs at night. For once my bed felt bigger. I didn't even realize the wet tear drop on my hand until I turned my palm over.

We really did fuck up this time. I really wanted to fix whatever childish games we were pulling. Yet I had no clue what Matty was thinking.

Now I couldn't help but dial his number even though it had to be late where he was. I didn't care, I needed to hear his voice. I needed to know if things were going to be okay when he comes home. Nervously waiting for the ring I sat back wiping my eyes trying to stop crying from the ache in my chest. I sat in self pity and cried in the car. Oh god what do I say if he does answer?

Then just like that he did. "Yeah?" He voice croaked obviously just now waking to the sound of my call. I didn't feel guilty if he was in deep slumber. I wanted to hear him.

"Matty...." I said quietly now feeling my chest contract by just one word. Then suddenly I felt like this wasn't the right time to fix our problems, not over the phone. "I- never mind sorry to wake you." I said hanging up quickly and slamming the phone on the dash board putting my head in my hand and letting it all go. Practically sobbing a puddle into my palms. I sat back and slammed the heel of my hand into the steering wheel. My phone rang again, he called back. I didn't answer. He rang another time. Again, I didn't answer.

Another 5 minutes passed he called one more time and this time I tried to pick up. My hands shaking, my nose running and, my throats going dry. "Hello." I said more in a statement than a question.

"Talk to me baby girl what's wrong?" He sounded more awake this time, and worried. I didn't want to tell him I was upset because I've been hiding our argument from everyone. That I haven't had anyone to vent to about how pissed and heart broken I've been for the last week. About how scared I am of dying and how drunk I've been getting. How I have a half naked picture of myself that another man took of me. "Violet there's obviously a reason you've rang me at seven in the morning."

"I- I'm sorry for going off on you, about leaving. There's a part of brain that is always thinking about you Matty. You haven't left my thoughts since I left the hospital. I feel so terrible for pissing you off Matty, I just want you home. I miss waking up next to you. My bed feels like an island and I'm all alone." Ripping off the bandaid I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I know you're mad but we can't act like children and-"

"I'm not mad Violet. Quite frankly I was scared to call all week because I felt you'd make some snotty comment and I'd find all my shit at the front step of my door when I get home." He said with a tone I couldn't identify.

"Oh." Was all I could say leaning back into the seat turning the car off. We were both quite for a second there wasn't much to say after that. It felt like the life has been sucked out of me. Instead of me moping about Matty hurting me I actually hurt him. "I'm sorry."

"No I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to leave so suddenly." He said making noise in the background. "It's non of your business." He said to someone else in the room sounding aggravated.

"Who are you with?" I ask curiously since he usually doesn't speak to the lads like that.

"Sophie. She came in the room." His tone back back to casual, as if he could rest once she left him alone. Even though he was all eyes for me I still felt like something was going on between them. Like he's been sleeping in the same bed as her. That thought made me sick.