Run

Dreamer...

Sina

With the beaming sun peeking through the blinds heating up my face, I furrowed my eyebrows. I ran my hand over my face before opening my eyes. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the bright light which lit up my old bedroom. I turned on my side, away from the window and grabbed my phone. I gazed at the screen to see that I was sleep longer than I planned. It was 1:55 pm.

I always hated waking up late, felt like I was missing out on a lot of shit, including money. The series of events that went down last night was on my mind for hours; making it hard to sleep. I still couldn't get over how last night fucked me over. I can still hear her crying, screaming and telling me to stay with her; although I know that she's alright, shit, although I got the nigga that shot her, I still hurt for her. I feel guilty as hell because I know that the shit wouldn't had happened if she wasn't with me. I should've just dropped her off at her home girl's house. I'm a target and I brushed it aside and put her in harm's way. That's my fault. What I'm thinking now is what stayed on my mind all night. Over thinking had me deprived from getting any kind of sleep for a while. By the time my eyes grew heavy it was light outside. I sat up as I kept my eyes on my phone. I had 5 missed calls. 2 from my yungin A.j and 3 from Tahari or whoever had her phone. I furrowed my eyebrows as I thought of deleting my contact from her shit. As I thought hard for a split second, I came to realize that I didn't think to delete my number from her call log, shit, unless she remembered by heart. I don't know.

I sighed as I set my phone aside and let my eyes roam my old bedroom. I was definitely experiencing nostalgia. My bedroom was just how I left it, aside from the covers. I didn't get the chance to take it in because I was going insane last night, all I did was shower, change into some clothes I left behind and attempted to get some rest.

I took the cover from my legs and swung my legs from the bed. I stood to my feet and yawned before going for a much needed stretch. I opened the door and left my room. I walked down the hallway and as I inched closer to the living room, I couldn't help but hear the Sanford and Son theme song. I smiled a bit as I walked into the living room to see my mother sitting on the couch with a coffee mug in hand.

"Good mornin mama", I said as I took a seat on the opposite couch.

She shook her head before gazing at me. "You know it ain't no morning no more", she said before taking a sip of her coffee. "How did you sleep?", she queried as she leaned forward and set the mug on the coffee table.

I sighed as I rested my back against the couch. "To tell you the truth, not good. Everything is eatin at me mama. Feel like everything that went down is solely my fault", I said as I ran my hand over my face. "Even when I did what I thought I had to do.", I said as I shook my head. "There wasn't any satisfactory in that. I still feel guilty", I said.

She took her attention from me and took the remote and turned off the television. She gazed at me. "August, there will never be any satisfactory in taking anyone's life, despite that you may think they are in deserving. I hate that it has gotten this far that we are having such a conversation. I never in life thought that I would be sitting here talking about this with my son", she said as she clasped her hands together and rested them in her lap. "It's eating at you because you have gotten so deep into this lifestyle that it's robbing you of having an actual life. You are so caught in selling drugs and making a profit and that's not what God wants for you, but you continue to be content with something that is wrong...", she stated before I spoke.

"But mama...", I interrupted.

She put her hand up. "Be quiet and listen", she said and I did as I was told. "All money is not good money which is why I hate to accept that filthy money from you. Do you honestly believe that your purpose on earth was to sell something that will tear any person apart, to people? You are willingly supporting a terrible habit for money and your punishment is exactly what's happening to you and I hate to be blunt but it is not only hindering you but it is hindering those around you. Aaron's 6 year old sister was hit because some boys were after y'all, that sweet girl you brought over was shot and could have died because of your poor choices August. These people aren't targeting you for no reason and it seems like the only consequences for it is taking away or hurting those amongst you. I don't mean to blame you but I need you to open up your mind and think of how your actions are hurting not only you but your family and your friends. It's eating at you because you're not living right. Like I said, I can only protect you so much, you're in my prayers baby but in order for a better life, you're going to have to make some changes.", she said.