18 Letters to You [Completed]

ELEVEN

Rory

"Dude, you gotta stop," Perry says picking up the empty beer bottles that are scattered across the kitchen table. I look at him, my eyes feel too heavy to continue watching his movements, so I  rest my head on my arms.

"Rory," Perry says and slaps me on the back of the head.

"What?" I ask my hands balled into fists. I'm pissed at him for no reason other than we are in Nashville because we both wanted this.

Perry looks at me and he knows the anger is almost to the point of boiling over.

"Sober up, take a shower, lets go to the batting cages."

"Fuck no," I say.

Perry sighs like I would imagine a father would do with a child that was acting out in public, "dude," he basically begs.

"Fine," I give in quickly.

A couple of hours later we are standing in a brightly lit cage with helmets on. Perry is setting the machine up and I'm watching everyone else.

"Who would open a 24-hour batting cage?" I ask mostly to myself.

"Because what else is there to do on a Tuesday at 12:30 in the morning?" He asks.

"Sleep? Drink? Not be here," I answer.

"Aren't you just a ball of fucking sunshine," He mutters, "If I didn't love Stella so much I'd be pretty pissed off at her for screwing you up so badly."

"You're up," I say ignoring his comment.

Perry lines himself up and hits a few balls that are flying at a ridiculously fast speed. Perry and I never played on sports teams growing up but we always loved playing random pick-up games of just about anything.

When it's my turn I line up how I want to and wait for the machine to send a ball my way. In the cage next to us is a father and his teenage son they are laughing as the dad sets up the machine. I hear the kid say, "do you think Mom is going to be okay?" and the dad's smile fades quickly before reappearing, "of course. Her and the baby will be just fine. Want to go first?"

I let the ball fly past me without even attempting to swing. I'm out of the cage and slamming my helmet down before Perry even has a chance to ask me what's wrong.

My phone is out of my pocket and I'm dialing Stella's number and praying that she answers me.

"Hello?" she asks her voice quiet with sleep.

"Stella?" I ask stupidly because of course it's her.

"Yeah, Rory?"

"Come back to Nashville. Let's figure this out. We can be a family, you can write music and Perry and I can make the record, and this can work. For once in our lives everything can work."

I hear her take in a deep breath and I know she is trying not to cry, "Rory, do you remember when we were younger and the three of us would lay on the grass and make up stories about the future?"

I nod and stay quiet.

She continues talking even though I never answered her, "we would get a giant mansion after we made it big with our music and Perry would get one next door with his model wife or whoever," I know she is rolling her eyes.

"We used to say we would eat pizza every day and I could open a cafe or some other kind of place for writers and artists to hangout or just for people that had nowhere to go. People like us," she says.

"Yes, I remember. We can have all of that, Stella."

"Our plans never included a baby," she says.

My heart his pumping fast, I can hear it in my ears, "We were teenagers. Of course we weren't thinking about babies. God, Stella, we have enough problems without you creating more."

She is silent.

"You are trying to come up problems when we have already erupted. There is no more room for anything else, don't you see that? No, I didn't want a baby when I was seventeen and trying to get the hell out of that town," I am squeezing my phone tightly in my hand and I can see Perry out of the corner of my eye. He is watching me closely. He can probably hear everything I'm saying.

"But I want a baby with you now," I say.

"I don't want a baby," she says and my whole world seems to crumble right before my eyes. I can see the metal of the batting cages twisting and turning, the trees losing color, I can feel the blood draining from my face.

When I don't say anything she says, "I want you, Rory. But I don't want this," And she is crying so hard I can barely understand her.

"You want me?" I ask and I can hear how hollow my voice sounds.

"Yes," she says.

"Will you come back?" I ask.

"Yes," She answers.

I hang up because I have nothing else to say.

I sit on a bench near the exit of the batting cages, my head resting in my hands.

"She's pregnant?" Perry asks taking the seat next to me.

I nod. I know I can't speak right now.

"Shit," he says, "lets go get drunk?"

Friendships grow, evolve, and change. I mean they have to because we have to continue growing up. And I wonder if Stella is right. If we are too comfortable with each other and it's easier sticking together than figuring out how to live alone.

I wonder if I will always be chasing the same dreams and running from the same fears in circles over and over again hoping to one day find an exit.