18 Letters to You [Completed]

EIGHT

Rory 

I sit up on the couch that Stella and I found at a garage sale for $45.00. Most of our furniture was found on Saturday morning hunts armed with cups of coffee and a full tank of gas.

Stella's eyes would light up when she found something she liked, anything from plates to books.

I want to give her more than chipped glasses and yellowed pages.

She is standing at the counter drinking coffee out of a Christmas mug, she smiles sadly when she notices me watching her. She brings me over a mug with cats on it and sits on the coffee table in front of me. Our knees are less than an inch apart.

I stare at that inch of space between us and it feels like an ocean can rush through the distance. I want to close the gap but I don't want to ruin whatever she is ready to tell me.

When I finally look up at her I can see the tears already forming in her dark brown eyes. My chest hurts, my head hurts, my heart breaks watching Stella struggle with everything I've put her through, everything we've been through.

"I want to talk about Caleb," she says her voice cracks on his name.

My heart scream to tell her that we have to talk about us not him right now. But I know in my head that the only way to fix us is to figure out how to move on from what we did.

"Okay," I say not knowing where to begin or what to say.

"Do you remember how cold it was that night?" She asks.

I nod, "it was Christmastime. Your grandparents were going to that Holiday part like an hour away."

She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. I wonder how long it's been since she really smiled.

"They were all dressed up and we were telling them to have a great time and basically pushing them out the door," I say.

"Perry started talking in a British accent telling them how they looked marvelous and to be responsible," she laughs and rolls her eyes at the memory as a tear slips out.

We are quiet as we look at each other because we both know the next part of the story isn't a happy memory like this.

"We went down into the basement to drink whatever you guys brought over, remember? It was so cold down there so we were wrapped up in tons of blankets but soon the alcohol helped us feel warm," she says.

Stella's tears fall down her face quicker and she looks so beautiful. I wipe her tears away as best as I can.

"We didn't even know Caleb was home," her voice is hard to understand as she hiccups through her words. She is almost speaking as if I was not sitting only a quarter of an inch away from her.

"I don't know. Maybe we should have known that Caleb and his friends were doing the same things we were doing when we were sixteen," my voice is nothing but a whisper. Almost like speaking softly will make this all less true.

Stella nods, "I will never forget the sound of his friends running down those old wooden steps to get to us."

"God, we panicked and thought we were getting busted with the alcohol," I mutter because I can't believe how stupid we were. How we truly believed that we were invincible, that we could change the world with our music by writing songs and drinking our nights away.

"We never thought..." Stella's voice trails off and I pull her on to the couch, she cries into my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," I say into her hair.

"When they said caleb fell into the frozen lake and they couldn't find him, I don't think I had ever been so scared in my life," she has that far away look again.

"He was completely blue," I can't look at her anymore because I am lost in the memory of seeing Caleb being pulled out of the lake, not breathing, nothing but a frozen blue sculpture.

And I am overwhelmed by the fact that we have never discussed the events that took place on that night. It has been three years and only now are we reliving it together.

"They were drunk and we were drunk so there was no way to get to the hospital. He was alone until my grandparents showed up. I will never forgive myself for that," Stella says.

"We didn't know he was there, Stella. We didn't know. I know it doesn't make it better but it wasn't our faults. He was sixteen and we weren't babysitting him," I say trying to make her understand but knowing that I'm not getting through to her as her tears continue to soak my T-shirt.

"Rory he is never going to be the same again," she says.

"I know. And it isn't your fault," I try telling her again.

I don't know how long we sit there before she looks at me again and says, "why did Perry text you saying that you guys need me?"

I know she is changing the subject because we will never agree on whose fault Caleb's accident was.

I shake my head, "the record company wants to meet with you to sign a contract for the songs and future songs," I explain.

She sighs and closes her eyes, "is that why you're here?" she pulls away from me.

"Stella, no. I don't want any of it without you."

"I can't move to Nashville. I can't move away from Caleb," she says, "but I'll go back with you and I'll sign whatever you need me to sign. I'll write songs and I'll figure out what I'm going to do."

I know better than to argue with her right now, "so you're coming to Nashville with me?"

"For a day or two," she says.

"Okay," and I can't help the smile that appears on my face.

**

Stella is going to Nashville with Rory!

How do you think it's going to go?

Next update Friday :)