IBA'T-IBANG KULAY NG JEBS: Ang Talambuhay ni LELS

Okatokat

Naniniwala akong if you have prepared before coming to battle, you have already won half of it. The other half is called ‘Trust’—tiwala sa sariling kakayanan.

Magkadikit ‘yang dalawang ‘yan. Kung handa ka nga pero wala ka namang tiwala sa sarili mo, pasang-awa ang kalalabasan niyan. Kung mataas naman ang tiwala mo sa sarili mo pero di ka naman handa, umaasa ka lang sa swerte na kadalasan ay hindi naman binibigay sa lahat lalo na kung di ka naman karapat-dapat swertehin.

May kinatatakutan ba ako? Marami. Pero merong isa na naging dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nakausad masyado dati. Nandiyan sa baba ‘yung sinulat kong blog dati sa isa pang social networking site na sinara na ngayon. Buti naisalba ko pa. Kung trip niyong basahin, ayos lang. Kung hindi, ayos lang din.

Pero masaya ako dahil unti-unti kong nalagpasan ‘yung phobia kong ‘yun. At masasabi kong malaki ‘yung nagbago sa’kin dahil dun. Akala niyo lang bibokid ako. I used to hold myself back before. Na kahit tingin ko para sa’kin, pinapaubaya ko na lang sa iba. Kaya nung nagpasya akong harapin ang takot ko, sobrang gaan sa pakiramdam. Sobrang saya. Sobrang fulfilling. Sobrang liberating.

Naisip ko na lang pagkatapos… eh? ‘Yun lang ‘yun? Bakit ko nga ba kinatakutan ‘yun?

Kayo ba? Are you ready to face your fears this Year 2014? Or are you still going to pass up the many opportunities that await you?

 

Tandaan, great opportunities oftentimes come knocking on your door ONCE.

-Lels

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*Circa 2008-2009. Paumanhin sa banyagang linggwaheng ginamit. Nasa isang multi-national company ako nagtatrabaho noong mga panahong ito kung saan Ingles ang karaniwang gamit namin. lelelels.

 

I seriously think I have Atychiphobia.

 

In case you’re wondering, this term refers to ‘Fear of failure’.

 

I can’t help but realize this when I was looking for a possible internal movement in the company I’m working for. Up front, I would really, really like to apply for positions that I know I have enough skills for. I was (and still am) willing to learn for the sake of growth, career-wise, in case my knowledge wouldn't suffice.

 

But somewhere in the back of my mind, this fear suddenly pops and chips away my confidence until it is entirely gone and replaced by immeasurable doubt. Doubt about my capabilities and a hundred items on the ‘what if’ list—what if I’m not really qualified? What if I couldn’t fulfill the responsibilities that come with the change in role? What if I fail?

 

And then there is fear. Fear of getting rejected. Fear of not meeting the expectations of the team if I get the position. Fear of failing my boss, my team and myself.

 

According to the ever-reliable internet…Atychiphobia:

 

“…as with all phobias, is an extreme, irrational fear. The fear of failure is often one of the most paralyzing phobias. Sometimes, we’re so concerned about failing that we don’t try an activity we want to try. This is why many have linked it with fear of success. Like so many other fears, this phobia is often so strong it brings about the very failure that was feared.”

 

I’m surprised that this describes what I’m going through for the most part. Quite frankly, I don’t like challenges. Especially those where there is a high possibility of failure or committing a mistake. Most of the time, I only take on an ordeal when success is certain. Yepyepyep… more often than not, I’m playing safe…or maybe I prefer to take the easy way out.

 

“…this phobia is linked with early life causes, like demeaning parents or siblings, or traumatic events where a major embarrassment was the result of some minor failure. Afterwards, the fear keeps building as the failures and embarrassment add up over childhood. It doesn’t help that our culture seems to imply that perfection can be achieved in looks, relationships, careers, etc. Perfection is an illusion, but the person with atychiphoia won’t try until perfection is assured…”

 

Thank God, I don’t have demeaning parents and siblings. Fortunately, they are really very supportive and dependable. Or maybe that’s the problem. They sheltered me too much as a growing kid. In effect, I have become vulnerable to endeavors that involve taking risks and the likes.

 

As for traumatic experiences of failure…I’m pretty sure this gave birth to my ‘phobia’. I’ve had my share of events when a lot of people were expecting me to make it to the top or something like that…but ended up not even getting close. And thinking about it now, I think a big chunk of those memories dates back in elementary to high school. Maybe I subconsciously remember the unpleasant feeling during those moments which drive me to avoid similar events.

 

Sooo…

 

Now that I’ve gained a little more perspective about my attitude, I know I have to do something about it.

 

It’s not healthy for me to stay where I am when I know I am meant for something else. Something better. Something bigger. Or somewhere in which I can make full use of my potentials and improve.

 

All I have to do is try. Try without expecting anything…not success…not even failure.

 

I only have to believe in myself and what I am capable of.

 

Afterall, people always say ‘there’s no harm in trying’.

 

I know I won’t lose anything.