Growing up (Get Scared Fanfic)

A sleepless night

Nick's POV.

Brad and I decided to hang out another day, so for now I get to be alone. It's about 9:30 pm and I'm laying in my cold bed, reliving everything that's happened up to now. The insults, the beatings, the loss of my best friend. I tightly hugged my pillow as tears stained the case. I need to grow up. I keep acting like a 5 year old girl. This is the second time I've cried today, that's pathetic. What would Courtney think of me now? "That little shit. Man, I was wrong about him, he's not strong or brave."

I remembered the note she left behind for me. Her suicide note. I kept it inside a box in my closet. I pushed the sheets off of myself and got out of bed. I opened the closet door and sat on the floor. Reaching for the box, I felt a chill run down my spine. I opened the box and took out the perfectly folded paper. Written on it, in beautiful cursive was my name, Nicholas Matthews. I haven't read this since the day her dad gave it to me. I unfolded it, treating it as if it was gold. The whole page was full.

"Nick, I'm so sorry for leaving you like this. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope you do. You have always been the sweetest person I've ever met, and I regret never telling you this. I really like you. You could always make me smile a real smile. None of that bull crap faking. I remember that time we snuck into the teacher's lounge to steal a few cookies and never got caught. And that one time in the fifth grade when we buried our pictures because we hated them. But even with having you around, the rest of the word became overwhelming. I couldn't take the things I was being called, my dad's drinking problem, watching my mom get hit by car. I'm sorry for dragging you into this, I never meant for you to have to put up with all my crap. But thank you for always listening to it and making it seem like i didn't get annoying. I always appreciated you never giving up on me. Don't you dare do what I'm doing, you have a bright future. I know you don't see it, but I do, please just trust me on this. Please stay strong. You don't need me to be happy. I'm useless, ok? You have to let me go. Don't let this make you sad. You can pull through. You are stronger than me. I love you Nick.

Courtney.

Ps. I know you'll make it big in the music career."

I just miss her so much. I just wish I could've been there to stop her from taking the pills. If I would've just been there to talk her out of it, maybe she would still be here. I could've called the suicide hotline, the police, child protective services. If I would've known that she was going to it that Thursday night, I wouldn't be here crying my eyes out. I wouldn't sit alone at lunch or on the bus. I liked her too, but I never had the guts to tell her that. Maybe that would've been enough to make her see life is worth it... for her anyways.

I need to stop thinking about this. I need to just stop and relax. What's gonna make me stop thinking about my dead friend. Out of frustration I hit the door frame with my arm.

"Ahh Fuck" i mumbled in pain. Oddly it felt good, in a way. I slammed my arm against the door frame again, and again, and again, finding a strange sense of relief in each strike. I stopped after a while. My hand was shaking and my arm was already bruised.

I heard a light switch flip followed by footsteps up the stairs. I must've made too much noise and my mom heard it. I turned off the lights and jumped into bed as fast and as quietly as I could. I got under the covers and hid my right arm just in case she walked in and turned on the lights. I realized I still had tears in my eyes, so i wiped them off with the comforter.

I saw the door to my room creak open, letting in a sliver of light. I was right, it was my mom.

"Nick, are you awake?" she loudly whispered.

"Yeah"

"What were you doing up here?" she asked. "It sounded like you were banging on something."

Crap. What do I say? "It wasn't me. I heard it too. I think it was coming from outside." I lied.

"Oh.. well ok" she bought it! "Good night." she kissed my forehead. "I love you" She said then left my room. That was a close one.

I guess I just self harmed for the first time. I wonder if I don't cover it up, would people still know it's self inflicted or is cutting the only type of self harm people will notice and ask about. Hopefully no one will notice. But I should still think of an excuse so i won't get sent to a mental hospital.

What would cause such bad bruising? Falling down the stairs would probably be believable. I'll just say I slipped and fell down a few steps. Hopefully, I won't be questioned even further. But I should probably not slam my arm into door frames anymore, or my mom is going to get suspicious about the banging sounds that always seem to come from my room that magically seems to stop as she gets up to check on me. I want to feel that relief again. I don't understand how physical pain can overtake emotional pain, even if it is for just a few minutes. How it can release stress and sadness.

I laid awake for hours. Damn insomnia. It's 3 am, i don't need to be awake right now. Cuz if I'm awake I think, and when I think I want to kill myself. I got from bed and sat by my window. I exhaled, causing some fog to accumulate on the cool window. I drew a sad face with my finger on the little cloud. I looked out into the forest. Maybe I should go out to the treehouse so I can do whatever I want, without making noise. It's way too dark though; I'll probably get bitten by a snake or something. Not that it matters, but I would rather not get bitten by snake or anything by that matter. I could take a flashlight and just hope I don't step on anything that can bite. What if I get caught though. Or if I fall asleep and miss my alarm clock. Or if my mom wakes up and comes to see if I'm doing ok. Jesus christ just go. I got up, put on my converse, and made my way down stairs in the dark. I went to the kitchen and began running my hands through the counter to feel out where i was. I felt the drawers and opened the top one on the second row. I finally got a hold of the flashlight, so i turned it on.

I opened the back door, hoping it wouldn't make any noise. I stepped out and slowly shut it. It's cold out here, I should've brought my jacket. Moving my flash light left and right, up and down, I walked through the woods. This place is a whole lot creepier during the night. It feels like a serial killer is going to jump out from behind me and stab me in my stomach, then drag my corpse to some random ditch and bury me. I would say i watch too many horror films, but I mainly watch Disney movies. Something shifted behind me. I quickly turned around and pointed my flashlight in all directions. There was nothing there. This was a terrible idea. What the hell was I thinking? Should i turn back? No I'm almost there, I may aswell get there. I heard something ruffle in the bushes near me. I walked faster as my heart began pounding in my chest. I hate this. Why did I want to come out here?

As I got to the tree house, I placed the flashlight in my mouth and climbed up the steps nailed to the tree. I opened the hatched and got in. Finally I can be at peace. Well now that I'm here, what am I going to do? I sat in the corner and sighed. This was really stupid and pointless... hey like me trying to stay alive. I turned on the flashlight again and aimed it at my arm, touching the bluish-purple marks. It hurts to touch them. This night was just a disaster, just like every other night. I looked out the rectangular opening in the wall. I can see the stars surround the crescent moon, that reminds me of a nail clipping. An owl called from a distance, while bas squeaked. The cold got to me, so i wrapped myself in the blankets.

I wonder if Bradley is up right now. Probably not. He's probably not a piece of trash who doesn't sleep until 4 am. I should him this place, so it won't be so lonely here all the time. Then again he could start showing his friends this place. I wish I could trust him, but i'm scared to. If i trust him and let him into my life, he could stab me in the back.

It's been about two hours since I came here. I should probably start heading back. I headed out back home. When I got home, I saw that it was 6:05 am. I need to go back to my room, before my mom sees me. I can't believe i didn't sleep at all.