I'm a slave, for a sadistic ( kyoxyuki ) ( boyxboy/yaoi )

Chapter 1

Caution: This book is rated R and contains boyxboy content. I'm sure it's been made clear in the title.  

chapter 1

Is this how it feels to be lost?

Consumed in a feeling that's unexplainable, incomprehensible, and one that I want nothing more than to hide behind all that I can.

Hoping to just disappear.

The only issue with hiding your feelings is that you're the only one who knows it's there. Your reasoning, understanding and self is unjustifiable, because people won't nor can know what you fail to show.

I know this, I know I do.

So why does it still hurt when he looks at me like that. Why does it even burn me when my fiery rage lashes out. I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to be hurt. Yet, here we are again, in another argument that hurts me far more than he could ever know.

This might be hypocritical of me to think of myself when I know I'm the problem.

But his words hurt too.

" How many times do I have to kick your ass before you give up " Yuki lashed out as he glanced up from his book. I grind my together under the pressure of my jaw as my blood boils. How do we always end this way, it's not as though I want to argue with him.

I once had hoped to be close to him, but it almost feels wrong. I want to be kind, and I hate it when we fight. Yet it only feels natural when we fight, because regardless he's a mouse and I'm a cat, and that's just facts.

I'm an outsider, It almost 'feels as though I could never match his calm and collected deminer. I'm wild and reckless, and he's always just so composed.

And sometimes I think if I was a little more like him, people could accept me for who I am.

But, then again, when I see that smug look on his face, I just can't help myself.

" The day I lost all my pride, you stupid rodent " I shouted out, feeling a slight sense of gratification before the regret sinks in. You know that sense of reflexes that are a defence mechanism, but really it is just the childish reaction to a Serino.

Yeah, that.

" You lost that years ago," Yuki said as though he really thinks I'm just going to take that, like who does he think he is. The honest disrespect that I receive is unbelievable...

like honestly, I should have every right to act as I do... Don't I.

Who am I kidding

I know very well that I had lost it when I first meet him. It's not like I wanted to have a bad relationship with him, It's just how I am around people when I first meet them. Who cares anyway, now that I know what he's like he truly deserves it.

" Stupid rat!! that's only possible if you end me, and we both kn-... " I shouted being cut off by him as I was about to give him an ear full. I don't like being cut off so know I'm heated.

" I could make that day today," he said calmly as he rose from his seat placing his book on the table while making his way over to me.

Now I'm nervous, and I hate that.

I hate that he can make me nervous. He can get me riled up and play with my feelings just because he knows just the right buttons to press. But more than anything, I hate that he can do what he pleases and I can't even figure out what he's thinking about.

Ever.

" Um. .. Yeah you could ... or I might too ....so let's see who does! " I said nervously, as my voice shuttered with each word getting harder to force out after one another. At this point, he had already made his way across the room and was right in front of me. I took a step back startled with his sudden closeness. I was nervous, of course, I was, I knew all too well how this usually ends.