Love.
That is him.
"Dae!"
And love is dangerous.
"Ano ba, Fern!"
"Mag-usap tayo, Dae. Please."
Loving him is dangerous.
But despite that, I ended up falling for him anyways.
"Fern, tama na! I've had enough!"
"Ano ba kasing..please! Pag-usapan lang natin ito ng maayos."
"Pagod na ako!"
"Anong pagod, Dae!?"
He made me believed that no relationship is all sunshine. That two people can share one umbrella and survive the storms together.
"Pagod na ako sa relasyon natin, Fern! Pagod na ako sa ating dalawa! Pagod na ako sa kakadikta mo kung anong dapat kong gawin, anong dapat kong suotin, anong dapat kong kainin, lahat! Pagod na ako! Sakal na sakal na ako, Fern!"
"Oh, bakit mo sinusumbat sa akin 'yan? We both know I'm only doing those because I care, because I want to protect you."
Being with him is different. It's like with just one hug from him, all of my broken pieces fit back together.
"Anong you care? Anong protect!? You're just busy feeding your ego and you do not call that protecting me, Fern! Sarili mo lang iniisip mo!"
"Sarili ko lang ba iniisip ko when all I think about is your safety, ha!? Mali ba 'yon, Dae ha!? Tell me!"
"Tama na! Ayoko na!"
I fell in love with the way he looks at me, spoke to me, touch me without using his hands and leave me breathless but still full of life.
"We are half way done, Dae! Ang dami na nating pinagdaanan! We were getting married s—"
"Pagod na pagod na ako, eh! Sa relasyon natin, ako yung laging umiintindi. And ikaw, puro ka ego! Ego mo lang iniisip mo! Hindi ko na kaya! Sobra na akong nasasak—"
"Yan! Diyan ka magaling eh! Ang bilis mong magbago ng desisyon! Ang bilis mong magsawa! Seriously, ano bang problema mo!? Did I ever hurt you sa pagiging concern ko sa'yo!? Ha!? Mali na ba 'yon ngayon!?"
When I felt like running away, just escaping from all the nightmares, when I felt like suddenly leaving, he held my hand. And I couldn't resist, I let myself fall for him even deeper.
"Was it really me, Fern? Ako ba yung mabilis magsawa? 7 years tayo, Fern. 7 years mo akong diniktahan. 7 years kong inintindi yang pagiging controlling mo. 7 years kong inintindi yang ego mo pero despite that I stayed! I stayed, Fern! Inintindi kita ng maraming beses!"
"O baka tiniis mo lang ako? Ha? Tiniis mo lang ako, right?"
"Mahal kita! Mahal kita, Fern! Pero kinulong mo lang ako sa pagmamahal na 'yun, pinahirapan mo lang ako!"
Only once in my life, I truly believe, that I've found someone who can completely turn my world around. And my only hope and security is in knowing that he is a part of my life.
"Dae, please, let's just fix this."
"I broke my rules for you, Fern. And I think it's no longer worth it."
"Please, Dae...if you give up on me, I'm going to give up on me too."
He made me realize some things that I barely know before. He made me realize that home is not a place but a feeling, that time is not measured by the clock but by moments, and that heartbeats are not heard but felt and shared.
"Mahal mo naman ako 'di ba? Dae please...please just—"
"Mahal kita, and you know what, loving you was a sacrifice. I gave you the power to destroy me Fern, and that's exactly what you did."
Love is dangerous. Love can either make you, or destroy you. And you do not make the decision to love someone, it just happens— spontaneously. Until you realize you are trapped, and that's the time you surrender, the time when you will know you're ready to get hurt.
Love is dangerous. And I took the risk.
"But you said you like storms. Now it turns out you can only handle a little rain."
"And you're a hurricane, Fern."
I have looked at him in millions of ways and I have loved him in each.
"Please.."
"Let's consider it done."
But I ended up getting hurt.
One day, we meet someone we think is going to be just a stranger, but for some inexplicable reason, we feel more connected to this stranger. I met him in a very spontaneous way. And I think, I'm going to exit his life just like how I entered.
Quick, and sudden. He wouldn't even notice me getting out of his life.
If only we met on the right time.
If only I came first in his life.
~*~
Author's Note:
Happy New Year Guys! So today's January 1, 2017, and here's my newest story, "If Only". I hope guys, you will support and read this story just like my past works. I won't promise but I will do my very best to update for the next chapters as soon as possible. Chapter 1 will be posted tomorrow!
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~Ate Yena
