I Want To Do Real Bad Things With You (Boy x Boy)

(19) I Want To Do Real Bad Things With You

He is so selfless, alays caring more about me and my happiness than himself.

“I’m not leaving you, now get some sleep,” I whispered, as I leaned forward and kissed him softly on his forehead.

I stayed right there on Jace’s bed with him until I was certain he was asleep and then sat back down on the chair where I have spent most of my nights, Jace having asked me to give him a bit of space after sleeping with him on the bed that first night. It was weird, Jace has always wanted to be as close to me as possible and him asking me to do this confused the crap out of me. It also hurt but I hid it from him and did as he asked.

Jace spent another three days in the hospital before the doctors confirmed that he could go home.  I was ecstatic at the news but Jace didn’t seem half as pleased as me. He was acting really strange and it was scaring the crap out of me.

Once we were done filling out his release forms we made our way out of the hospital and I drove him back home.

Jace stared out of the window as we drove, not saying a word, his silence driving me crazy. I wish he would talk to me so that I could help him.

Luckily the drive didn’t’ take too long and soon we arrived home. The house looked eerily big and a strange feeling was building up in the pit of my stomach as we made our way inside.

Jace didn’t say anything as he sat down on the couch and grabbed the remote with his bandaged hand. His cuts were still raw and hurt from what I could figure out. Apparently he had severed all of his main arteries and it was going to take a while to heal completely. He switched on the TV and started   flipping through the channels, not even looking at me.

I wanted to sit down with him, to hold him in my arms and show him how much I love him but something was wrong and it was slowly killing me.

I haven’t been at Jace’s house since before the accident. I refused to leave the hospital so instead of me going anywhere my dad went to the shops for me and bought me the necessities, he even bought me some new clothes which was really nice of him. I showered at the hospital and spent every other second with Jace, except for when I was thrown out of his room.

”I’m going to take a shower,” I stated to which Jace nodded and then continued flipping through the channels.

My heart was racing furiously in my chest as I made my way up the stairs and into his room. I didn’t want to leave him alone but I had to think and I really needed a shower. I grabbed some clean clothes from the cupboard and then stepped into the bathroom, only to be stopped dead in my tracks.

There was dry blood all over the place, running from a big pool down the cracks in the floor and splattered on the wall and the washing basin. A razor blade laid next to the basin to one side and an empty bottle of Vodka was lying against the toilet, probably having fallen over. The bathroom reeked of alcohol and death as I stood there stunned by the sight in front of me.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel bile rising up in my throat.

Calm down I thought to myself, closing my eyes tightly. Calm down and clean this mess. Clean it before Jace comes upstairs and sees it.

I have no idea how long I stood like that, willing myself to calm down before I actually opened my eyes again. The sight didn’t look any better, in fact the longer I saw it the worse it looked.

I needed to breathe so I stepped out of the bathroom and slid down against the wall, burying my head in my hands.

“I thought you were going to take a shower,” Jace said, causing me to jump to my feet.

“I was but…”I started saying as Jace made his way past me to the bathroom. I couldn’t let him see it, he's been through enough so I stepped in front of him and gently took a hold of his waist.

“Don’t,” I said, being able to tell that he knew what I had seen from the look on his face.

“I… I didn’t, you shouldn’t have seen that,” he stuttered, barely able to form a sentence.

“It’s okay,” I managed to say, cursing myself for letting him find me like that.

“No it’s not I’ll clean it,” he said, battling to hide his emotions.

“Please don’t go in there, I’ll clean it” I stated, trying to sound in control but failing miserably.

“You shouldn’t have to do that, it’s my mess, I’ll clean it up,” Jace argued, shaking his head and driving me mad with his stubbornness.

“I’m not letting you do it, now come with me, let’s go watch a movie or something,” I said, loosening my grip on him and taking his hand in mine.

“Okay, but I’m still not going to agree to you cleaning it,” he replied and then let me lead him to the living room.

The TV was still on so I flipped through the channels until I found a movie that looked good and then turned my attention to Jace. He was sitting next to me but he had the strangest most distant look on his face which I didn’t like at all.

He didn’t say anything but when he saw me staring at him he gave me a slight crooked smile and then turned his attention back to the TV. Seeing his smile warmed my heart but it didn’t take away the horrible feeling that was haunting me.

I couldn’t concentrate on the movie which was fine since I only suggested it so that Jace could focus on something other than the bloodied bathroom. I doubt that it worked but felt relieved when Jace drifted off to sleep next to me. He hasn’t been sleeping at all except for when he was drugged and even then he was restless.

I laid him down on the couch and pulled a blanket over him before heading upstairs, being careful not to make a sound but knowing that I had to work fast. The scene in the bathroom still managed to choke me up but it had to be done so I started cleaning, using bleach to cleans it from the all-consuming smell. I rushed through it but made sure to get it spotless. It was horrible, I couldn’t stop picturing Jace sitting on the floor cutting himself, hurting himself. I couldn’t even try to imagine what was going through his head that pushed him so far, he must have been going through hell.

When I was done cleaning I took a quick shower and then rushed down stairs to make sure that Jace was still okay. All and all I was probably only gone for half an hour and to my relief Jace was still asleep so I sat down on the ground next to the couch and took his hand in my good one, the other still bandaged and hurting from my fight with the vending machine.

My relief didn’t last very long though because soon Jace started tossing and turning and then without warning he jerked awake with a terrified scream.