Housemates

Chapter 112

Ellie didn’t answer. She suddenly felt strangely upset. She was wondering why Mia was so insistent that this was sex and nothing more. She wondered why, when they were obviously becoming friends. It must be Mia and relationships, Ellie thought. It must be Mia being odd about commitment, and wanting to be single, and everything else that was going on with Mia, and which Ellie hadn’t thought about in days. Mia was right though. What Mia was saying was right. This was just sex. They weren’t involved beyond that. Ellie knew that was true, but all the same, she was hurt. She didn’t quite know why, unless it was that she wanted to pretend, and she didn’t know why she’d want to do that, when she was perfectly happy just to have sex.

Suddenly, Ellie felt awkward. She felt uncomfortable being naked. She wasn’t going to go dashing for her clothes and making her awkwardness obvious, but she didn’t like that she was. She sat there, looking at Mia, and made herself not fold her arms over her chest.

“There’s an except,” Ellie said. “I just don’t know what it is.”

“Okay,” Mia said, sounding sceptical.

“I don’t,” Ellie said. “But I think you do, so just tell me, okay?”

“There’s no except.”

“Just say it.”

Mia seemed to be thinking.

“Please?” Ellie said.

“There’s no except,” Mia said.

“So what is it? What aren’t you saying?”

“I’m just trying to be sensible,” Mia said. “I’m trying to make this easier for both of us.”

“I don’t understand,” Ellie said.

“Eventually we’ll stop,” Mia said. “You and me.”

“Not necessarily.”

“We will.”

Ellie shrugged. “Fine,” she said, a little hurt again. “Okay.”

“Eventually we’ll stop,” Mia said. “So it’s probably easier to keep this to ourselves, to not go telling people, and have to explain later on what happened.”

“I suppose,” Ellie said.

A silence. They looked at each other.

“I’m talking about Mark,” Mia said.

“I got that.”

“He’ll get all excited,” Mia said. “And be all fucking nice too. And then he’ll be all disappointed when we stop because in his head this all meant something, even if we said it didn’t.”

Ellie nodded slowly. She didn’t know Mark well enough to know if that was right, but there was no particular reason Mia would be wrong.

“So you’re planning for when we eventually stop,” Ellie said. “Which you think we will. Because you think eventually we have to.”

“Yeah,” Mia said, looking at her, puzzled. “Why?”

“Okay,” Ellie said. “So we don’t tell people. I don’t really mind.”

Mia nodded.

Ellie lay there for a moment, feeling like she needed to explain. Like she was being silly, and breaking some rule, and causing problems that didn’t need to be there.

“I just thought it would be simpler if he knew and we didn’t need to hide,” Ellie said. “That was all. I don’t care.”

“Okay,” Mia said.

“I don’t care if you don’t care.”

“I don’t,” Mia said. “It’s just sex. There’s no need to go telling anyone.”

“Um,” Ellie said, and stopped.

Mia looked up.

“So it is just sex, then?” Ellie said. “I mean, I’m just wondering, and you keep saying so, but…”

Mia looked at her for a moment. “Isn’t it?” she said in the end.

“I don’t know,” Ellie said.

Mia looked at Ellie and didn’t say a thing. After a few minutes, she reached over, and found a pillow, and pulled it into her lap. “Oh fuck,” she said.

“What?” Ellie said.

Mia shrugged.

“Isn’t it just sex?” Ellie said.

“I don’t know either.”

“Oh,” Ellie said, and had no idea what to do next. It seemed like they both ought to be happier, but neither of them were.

Mia was still for a long, long moment, and then she started looking around for her clothes. Ellie had seen Mia doing that enough she knew exactly what it looked like. A glancing around, a working out where everything had dropped, and then picking things up and turning them the right way around and pulling them back on.

That was what Mia was doing. She picked something up and started pulling it outside in. Ellie didn’t look to see what, and didn’t especially care. Mia was getting dressed, and was about to leave instead of talking, and Ellie didn’t know how to stop her, or if she even should.

She sat there a moment, watching Mia’s face, a little scared of what was happening.

She didn’t want Mia to leave.

“Where are you going?” Ellie said.

“I think you’re not completely okay with this, with everything, and I think we should stop.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“What I said. You’re not okay and we should stop.”

“I’m okay. I’m completely fine.”

“This is getting too weird.”

Ellie thought about Mia and commitment and decided Mia was making excuses. She almost certainly was, and Ellie wasn’t sure why. Excuses weren’t important though. What Mia had just said mattered a great deal more.

“You think we should stop?” Ellie said.

“Yeah,” Mia said.

“Stop for tonight?”

Mia didn’t answer.

Ellie was suddenly worried. “Stop for more than tonight?”

Mia shrugged.

“Oh,” Ellie said. “Fuck.”

Ellie sat there, suddenly wanting to cry, and Mia kept picking up her clothes.

“Just like that?” Ellie said.

“I think it’s better, don’t you? Less complicated?”

“Don’t be an asshole,” Ellie said. “Don’t be a total fucking dickhead.”

Mia stopped, and looked up, surprised.

“Just don’t,” Ellie said.

“I think…”

“Stop it,” Ellie said. “Like without even saying how you’re getting oral out of me and then fucking off and how shitty that makes me feel. So, just don’t.”

Mia seemed confused. “How’s that shitty?”

“Um, because you’re using me. And because I must be pretty fucking bad at giving head to make you want to just go.”

“You’re not bad.”

“And yet you’re going.”

“I’m going because…” Mia said. She sat there for a moment, and then put her clothes back down.

Ellie understood. Mia was staying.

“Thank you,” Ellie said.

Mia looked at her for a moment, and then shrugged. “Yeah, if you want, of course.”