Trust No One

Same cycle

Karl Walker
"So what you saying 'bout this move? I don't wanna turn up and find he ain't paying good p." I stressed over the phone as I spoke to my cousin Moses. We'd been talking for almost forty minutes now, and he still hadn't fully convinced me that this was a good move.

"It's calm man. He's loaded, don't even worry about the money." He said.

Sighing to myself, I muttered 'shit' beneath my breath and bit my lip as the other team scored another goal. This Fifa game was pissing me off. "Kay, I'm gon' come but only because I trust you init. But if we get there and he ain't paying good I'm ducking out. Reals." I agreed.

"Cool, that's what I like to hear. Now fuck off so I can catch some shuteye." He chuckled.

"Alright, cool then." I shrugged as if he could see me before getting ready to end the call but he stopped me once again.

"What bruv?" I questioned him as I paused the football game.

"Did you see leala's friend, Jessica, last night?" He questioned with a hint of excitement. I never check for my cousin's girls like that. I know I'll hear a mouthful from her if I fuck up and hurt her friends.

"Nah man. I was too high to concentrate. Why - was she peng?" I questioned as I sat up and plugged in my other Earphone.

"She's calm innit. She was asking of you."

"Rate her out of ten." If she wasn't anything above a six I wasn't even going to bother. I wasn't even interested in dealing anybody at the moment, but depending on how peng she was, I'd consider moving to her.

"Can't man. She's like my sister..."

"Allow it man." I begged hoping he'd give in. The situation wasn't that deep to me but he brought her up and now I was curious.

"Seven point nine." He huffed. Why couldn't he just say eight? That would be easier, but obviously he liked to make things harder than they had to be.

"Mm. Might ask Leala about her. Anyway are you still coming to the party tomorrow?" I questioned Moses as I stood from my bed and made my way to the stairs. I hadn't eaten since morning and it wasn't like I was fasting or anything. I'm a growing kid, food is important.

"Yeah, Lee's gonna come with Jessica because she can't leave her at home." Moses replied. Shrugging my shoulders, we spoke for another few minutes before we cut the line. Hopefully she was as peng as he claimed, and usually his judgement was pretty good.

Heading to the kitchen, I ran my hand over my bare chest before opening the fridge and sighing. Days like today made me hate my life. There was no motive to go out yet I couldn't be bothered to do my engineering work or my maths work. My engineering coursework was just looking long to be honest. I wasn't even sure if I was gonna take it further. My English coursework was way overdue, but I hadn't even started it - that was a completely different story. Guess I'm failing that.

After grabbing a bottle of water, I shut the fridge and sat at the table where my laptop sat with a black screen.
I might actually get some work done. Lies.

My phone started ringing which caused me to furrow my eyebrows. My exes name , Aubrey, popped up and I rolled my eyes, ignoring the call.

Bare girls stopped moving to me when they found out I was dealing her, but now that I'd locked things off, bare girls were moving to me again - don't even know why I wasted my time with my ex - she's just a silly cow.

She continued to ring me until I got frustrated and picked up the call. Lord knows I would've ignored her until she pissed off but my tolerance levels weren't high enough.

"What Bruv?" I questioned impatiently as I stared into space and listened. All she was doing was crying and that shit was pissing me off. Nobody told her to spend the night at another boy's house. "If you ain't got nothing to say, kindly fuck off." I stated in a bored tone.

"I just wanna talk about were we stand-"

"We don't stand anywhere. It's over man." I cut in. It was fucking over, I told her this when I first found out. How are you gonna sleep at another man's house when you have your own or mine to come to? Has she lost the plot?

"But I still love you. That's two years going down the drain Karl, two fucking years. How am I supposed to get over that? Huh? I can't lose you-"

"We can still be friends. Just because we ain't dealing don't mean I won't be there for you. I can still love you - just from afar."

"It's not the same thing. Karl tell me how the fuck to fix this because you know I can't lose you. You know what my life's like Karl. You're the only one that's there for me." She sobbed into the phone. This was pissing me off. She did the same thing over and over again. It was the same cycle: we break up; she comes to me crying and shit; then I allow her back because I'm scared she's suicidal and she won't piss off.

"Let's be real, yeah? How many times have I actually tried to cut you off? Yet when I forgive you, you do the same shit over again - in different ways. Just because you've lived with the devil doesn't mean you can whore around-"

"It's not like that! We were just hanging out and I fell asleep."

"You shouldn't even be going to his house in the first place!" I yelled through the phone. "Two years, yeah, and you've fucked around with my emotions more times than I've fucked you! What the fuck do you think this is? Huh? Sort your shit out, for real, because the next man's gonna spark you in the face, no joke." I finished.

It was silent for a minute and all that could be heard was the heaviness of my breathing and her sobs.

Can't stand her crying.

"Can I see you? Please?" She asked in a fragile voice. I so badly wanted to tell her to fuck off, but my mouth had a mind of its own.

"I'll come over tomorrow." I mumbled before tearing the phone away and ending the call.

I fucking loved her but she was just so flipping stupid it was unbelievable.

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