In Case of Heartbreak

24 | apologize

When the ceremony was finished, a mass of chaos ensued on the lawns outside. Everyone bustled to find their friends and family, and while I knew exactly where I was meant to meet my parents, my steps were slow as I hoped to catch a glimpse of Katie. It wasn't long before I spotted her, her blonde hair sweeping gently in the breeze and her gown unzipped to reveal the dress she wore underneath. It surprised me however, to see her chatting happily to her brother.

As if she'd felt my eyes on her, she turned towards me a few moments later. There was apprehension in her features, and I could see the confliction swirling in her irises as Theo cast a confused, then protective glance my way. I kept my place, not deterred, and was glad that I did.

Moments later, I saw Katie's lips pull upwards hesitantly, offering me a smile as she mouthed 'congratulations'.

The will to walk over to her flooded my chest, though I fought hard against it and stayed where I was, a grateful and congratulatory smile gracing my lips as I returned her sentiment.

I was giving her space, no matter how much it crushed me inside.

A hand clasped down on my shoulder and our gaze was broken. "She'll come around," Ryan said slowly, "But you can't stop living while you wait."

I turned to him, the edges of my lips now straightened. "I know."

"Now come on," he nudged me, an uplifting tone to his voice, "I don't think mom wants to miss getting pictures of her university graduate."

Laughing along with him, I let myself be pulled away to join my family. Pictures were taken – Holden being pulled into a fair few of them, and when the crowd at the university began to disperse, I jumped in the car my parents had rented as we headed out for dinner.

It was a joyous night of memories, though when I awoke the next morning, it was overshadowed by the fact that boxes lined the edge of my room.

I was leaving, and only had a few hours left in the city I'd called home for the past four years.

My mind wandered as I packed up the remainder of my things, and with an uneasiness settling in my stomach, I knew I couldn't leave things like they were. I spotted one of my notebooks on the top of a pile that was yet to be packed away, and without thinking much about it, I grabbed a pen and began to write down everything that Katie needed to know – whether she wanted to or not.

Katie,

Thinking back to the night we first met, I still smile at how effortless it was to talk to you. You were everything I didn't need at the time – a beautiful distraction that would force me off the track from a professional basketball career. But, even though many could categorize the night of a life-threatening car crash as the worst of their life, I think of it as one of the best – because of you.

If I was given a chance to go back and rewrite the last year – to never get in a car crash, to go about the year the same as the last three – I wouldn't change a thing. Changing the terrible things would also mean changing the wonderful things. It would mean never getting to know you; never having the chance to fall in love with you.

You said that I wasn't being honest with myself, and to some length, you were right. I'm leaving, and there's nothing that can be done to change that because I'm excited to start off new. I want to experience living in the city, working in a field that I've always found interesting, and just enjoy the chances I'm given.

However, when I held back the truth from you, it wasn't because I didn't think you wouldn't have been supportive. In fact, I'm sure if I'd just sat you down and told you, you would've been happy for me. I held back because telling you I was moving to New York wasn't the only thing I wanted to say to you.