Don't Tell (Willow/Spike Fanfiction)

Chapter 10

Spike POV

It had been four days since I had fought with Willow and kicked Drusilla out, and I was absolutely miserable. I hadn't taken into account how bloody lonely I'd be. The Scooby Gang was on high alert, trying to figure out who screwed over Willow, so I had figured it'd be best to keep my head down, make sure no one found a reason to investigate. 

"And, in recent news, local pastor Fredrick Lane has been accused of stealing church donations and buying a Corvette with the money." This is what made the news? A not-so-holy pastor buying a car? I was going to go mad in this freaking town! There was nothing to do! Couldn't hunt, couldn't kill monsters, couldn't hang out with the Scoobies. I had to get of out the sodding house before I started talking to dolls like Dru. 

I tossed on my leather jacket and grabbed a beer, striding outside. I kicked at a stray headstone in an attempt trying to vent some of my anger, promptly shattering the hard marble and my toes. 

"Fuck!" I yelled, hopping on one foot, trying to ease the burning pain that was making my vision spotted with black. How did this hurt so much? It was like I plunged my left foot into a mound of red-hot coals. 

"Spike? What the heck are you doing?" I whirled around to see Xander Harris walk down the path, staring at me with a mixture of confusion and contempt.

"Oh, just practicing for the two legged race," I said sarcastically. "What the hell do you want Harris?" I said, biting my lip as the pain started to subside, allowing me to put weight on my foot. At least I knew I could kick the bastard if he started to annoy me.  I took a swig of my beer, and stared at him with a bored look on my face, casually leaning up against a tomb.

Immediately a mask a fierce determination set itself on Xander's face, and he said, his voice barely wavering, "I'm here to talk to you about Willow, or have you forgotten about her already?"

I spewed my beer everywhere. "What?" I said in shock, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. 

"You heard me. It's time to have a talk."

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"I can't believe I bloody agreed to this." I was sitting on my moth-chewed, ratty old sofa, Xander sitting on a chair across from me, his finger's pursed like a psychiatrist observing a patient. 

"Willow and I chatted for a while. I'm sure you can guess what she told me."

"So she told you everything then? How I shot down her little 'crush', how I insulted her, called her a monster, then yelled at her when she saw me and Drusilla?" I glared at my beer, wishing I could drown myself in it. "Sure you think really highly of me right now, huh?"

"You realize that you didn't just shoot down some crush, right? My best friend loved you, and you broke her fucking heart. So yeah, don't be offended the fact that I want to stake you right now." said Xander in malice, staring at me, searching for any emotion.

"Why don't you then? I deserve it." I said, my voice dripping with contempt and self-loathing. "If I hurt her that damn bad, then go ahead, avenge her, or whatever the hell the saying is." I brandished my chest, spreading my arms out in a pose of surrender. 

"Geez, button your shirt up! Dude, I'm not going to kill you." Xander shielded his eyes, a look of horror on his face. "Dear Lord, I hope I never have to see the sight of your bare chest again."

I was shocked. "Wha-why?"

"Because I know my best friend, and no matter how hurt she is now, it would crush her if she knew I killed you."

I stood up angrily, pacing back and forth like a mad man. "Like she would take me back. If you think that, you clearly haven't heard the whole story. Either that or you're delusional. She made it extremely clear that she wants nothing to do with me."

"She was upset." He said simply.

"She's done with me! You fucking know it too! I messed up, and know everything and everyone can go to Hell for all I care! Let her find someone else, she deserves better!" I shouted furiously, throwing my still half-full beer across the room, where it shattered against the opposite wall, dripping into a glass filled puddle. 

"Whoa, calm down Spi-" 

But I was already halfway out the door. 

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I had run all the way to the beach when I finally collapsed. Falling onto the sand, I curled my knees up to my chest. I had been in such a rush to get out of that conversation I hadn't even thought about the sun, and I almost caught fire. Luckily, I only got slightly singed because I ducked into some hole-in-the-wall demon strip club.

God, I couldn't believe that Xander Harris had tried to give me love advice. Staring into the horizon, I couldn't help but be reminded of Willow's eyes always glittered with amusement, as if she was perpetually laughing. I really had fucked everything up. She would never talk to me again. I felt a tear trace down my cheek and buried my face in my leather coat, allowing my emotions to flow now that I was alone.

Maybe it was better if she hated me now. I knew deep down that a relationship between us would never work. Buffy was one thing, being a slayer and all, but with my explosive temper and supernatural strength? I could easily kill Willow if I lost control of myself. It would be best for her if I disappeared, as if I never met her, never broke her heart. 

But could I survive without her?

***Hello my lovelies! I'm sorry it's taken so long to update again. The holidays are so stressful! Anyways, did you like this chapter? Will Willow ever forgive Spike? What do you think should happen next? Comment what you think and maybe I'll do a favorite comment mention in the next chapter. Don't forget, if you want to help me out, please comment, vote, and share!

Thank you all!

Ashlynn <3