lonely hearts club | zianourry au [COMPLETE]

ten

"so," zayn says, smiling slightly. it's unnerving, and wherever niall looks, he can't escape these boys' fond smiles. he ends up staring at his hands, finding it the only safe space to stare. "do you have an answer for us?"

"i..." niall doesn't know what to say. he feels terrified, completely overwhelmed. "i...i don't know. i don't know." it feels like it's all he knows how to say.

"did you have a good time going out with each of us?" louis asks softly.

"yes. you know i did," niall says back.

"would you rather have us leave you alone?" harry asks. his voice is quiet, sad.

"no! no...i'm just...i'm overwhelmed," niall babbles. "i...i like all of you. i do. this is just...a lot."

liam nods. "that's normal...it's understandable to feel overwhelmed. if you need more time, that's okay."

niall finally looks up. "really? could i just have a little bit longer?"

all of them nod. "of course. of course you can, sweetheart," zayn says gently, and niall manages a shy smile in response.

- - -

"calum. cal, i need your help! answer your fucking phone!" niall yells into the receiver. he's called calum at least three times and has gotten no response. he pushes open the door to the classroom where the homework club is usually held, but the room is dark and empty. niall is about to shut the door and continue his search for calum when he hears someone sob. niall would know that sob anywhere. "calum...? are you okay?"

he's sitting in the corner, knees draw to his chest, face nestled in his arms. his small body quakes with sobs, the sound muffled. niall creeps closer.

"calum?"

calum lifts his head slightly, and surprising niall, his expression darkens when their eyes meet. "go away."

"what? cal, it's me," niall replies, genuinely confused.

"i know who it is," calum snaps. his voice would sound snarky if it wasn't thick with tears. "just go away. leave me alone."

"but i..." niall shifts awkwardly. "i need your help."

when calum lifts his head out of his arms again, his gaze is indignant. "you're a horrible best friend!" he yells.

"what?! no, i'm not!" niall yells back. the venom in calum's voice surprises him.

"yes, you are! you come into a classroom, see me crying, and immediately ask for my help!" calum is so angry he's shaking, and he stands up. "you're selfish!"

"i am not," niall says back, but now that he thinks about it, that's not very true.

"niall, i've been helping you with those stupid boys ever since i thought up this stupid club! i didn't even want it, i did it because of you -- and i ended up getting my heart broken! and still -- even when i reached out to you, crying, you didn't do anything! because you're selfish, and you don't give a crap about me!"

"that's not true," niall says quickly. he's shaking. this feels a lot like losing calum, which is something he'd never wanted to experience. "i love you, calum, you know i do. you have to know that." he tries to remember the last time he told calum he loved him. it feels so long ago. 

calum just shakes his head. 

"i know you're angry at me," niall continues. "and i'm sorry, okay? i'm sorry, you know i'd never want to hurt you -- but, please, i need your help."

calum stares at him with dark, wounded eyes. "fuck you, niall."

niall is taken aback. "what?"

"fuck. you."

niall doesn't know what to say. never in his life has he seen calum so angry, and he feels so far. it feels like something is broken between them, and calum is staring at him with so much disgust in his eyes. it feels like they don't even know each other anymore. so niall does the only thing he can.

he runs.

he runs, holding his breath and holding back tears, because he didn't know his best friend would be the first to break his heart. and he knows it's not fair to be upset -- after all, calum is right -- but it hurts anyway. it hurts, and it'll probably hurt forever because he has no idea how to fix it. everything is fucked up and broken, and like always, it's all his fault.

somehow he finds his way to liam, who's reading a book outside. he doesn't know how he decided on needing comfort from liam, but it was what felt right, and the second liam's eyes meet niall's, niall bursts into tears.

"whoa, whoa, what's all this?" liam asks, pulling niall into his lap. "what's the matter?"

niall just shakes his head, sobbing. "please -- please -- please --" he gasps for air, can he even speak? "just hold me," he finishes lamely. this is all he can ask for.

"okay. i've got you, sweetheart. everything is going to be all right," liam coos gently, cheek leaned against niall's hair. his hold is soft and he smells good, and niall's eyes eventually shut, swollen from sobbing.

"my answer is yes," niall whispers into liam's collar. he isn't sure if liam's heard him, because his eyes are shut, but a small smile spreads across liam's face.