Changed me

It's My Fault

            Nile: Come

            I knew the one word text message was not fair to Manny, but it was all that I could get out as I went to work. Packing a few pieces of clothes in that stupid frozen backpack I got Aria ready to go. The backpack makes me angry because Darren yelled at her for crying because of how much she wanted the backpack. He scared her so much she was shaken up for days. All she wanted was the stupid backpack. Making sure not to wake her I pulled the sweater over her head and put some sneakers on her feet. Lifting her back in my arms I silently made my way out of the house. Darren was still passed out on the floor so we were in the clear. Standing on the side of the house, I hid us just in case. I just needed Manny to take Aria to her house then I would wait out the outburst and deal with what I should have been here to deal with. It was my fault he would have taken his anger out on me and left her alone. My hold on her tightened, I couldn't protect her. I should have protected her.

            When I started this whole process of trying to et myself out, I didn't think about how Aria would be affected. I didn't think about the fact that he would hit her. She was his daughter. The anger coursed through me. What kind of man hits his daughter? It sickened me because he was her first introduction of how a man should treat her. I didn't want her to grow up thinking that it is okay for her to be hit. The dark car pulling up silenced all my thoughts. My feet moved without so much as a command from me.

"Can you take her to your house?" the words came out rushed and without so much as a greeting. I didn't have time to be happy to see her. The puffiness in her eyes and her tear stained cheeks let me know that this hasn't been an easy night for her either. She watched Aria curiously her bottom lip slipping into her mouth. Fear. A look I don't think I have ever seen on Manny's face was currently taking complete and total ownership. Ignoring it the words continue " I haven't gotten the chance to ice her cheek so can you do that for me too."  The both of them needed to get out of here.

" I can. Nile what's going on?" Her words contradicted the look on her face. They were strong and held no fear at all. How did she do that? How did she keep her voice so trained when she was clearly afraid. It made me long to know what was going on in her head. However, what I wanted in this moment did not matter. Aria's and Manny's safety was the most important item.

"It's my fault Manny. It's my fault and I have to fix it. If I were here he wouldn't have. How could I do that?" Swallowing I tried to take the words back. I gave her Aria and watched as she stirred a bit before snuggling into Manny. I didn't mean for the words to to come out. Everything in me wanted to swallow up all the blame and handle the situation. I wanted to suck it up and be a man about it. The man Darren always told me I wasn't. I could hear his words clear as day. The words that told me I wasn't that different from him. But what in the hell was his definition of a man? Someone who drinks his feelings away? Someone who uses his damn kid as a stress reliever?

Manny's hold on Aria became protective. Her face no longer held fear, but rather a mixture of anger and worry. Her words came out rambled "I don't know what you're talking about, but whatever it is I promise you it's not your fault. Come to my house. We'll talk to my dad and he will find a way to fix whatever is going on." She pleaded.

            "Here's her bag pack it has a couple pieces of clothes in it and a stuffed animal." I replied trying my hardest to ignore what she was saying. I could see her patience wearing thin. Her eyes were intense as she stared at me and tried to figure me out, but damn it if she didn't know me better than most people. I was fighting with myself. There was part of me that wanted her to know everything. I wanted her to see the pain my day to day held. She knew the story, but not the emotion behind them. She didn't know that although I hated Darren, there was part of me that wanted him to be my dad again. I wanted him to look at me and see his son. How stupid was I? "She's asleep right now I finally got her to stop crying. Just put ice on her cheek and-" the words coming out on the their own accord.