The Bucket List

Chapter 7

The way home was quiet. No one said a word. All of us were in our own world. All in denial. I felt empty inside. She was my sister I couldn't even start to imagine how my parents was feeling. They just lost a child.

When we finally got home dad offered me a cup of tea or coffee or anything. But I politely declined. I just wanted to go up and sleep. Crawl under the duvet and forget about reality. Pretend this day hadn't happened. Go 24 hours back in time to when I was sitting with my sister. Even though the last time I had seen her she was running a fever and was very weak. But she was still alive. She was still my Amy.

I quickly changed into some of my mum's pyjamas' and went to bed. But sleep wouldn't take me. I was tossing and turning and changing sleeping possessions but nothing seamed to help. My thoughts were on Amy and there was nothing I could do.

After an hour I was so frustrated I got out of bed and went downstairs to get a glass of milk. The house was dark and quiet, my parents must have gone to bed. I filled a glass with milk and walked out of the kitchen, but on my way I saw a shadow in the living room. I stopped and focused on the silhouette I could see. It was my dad. He was sitting with a bottle of some sort, properly whisky. I quietly listed up the stairs not wanting to disturb him.

But when I got to the room I didn't stop but continued walking. I climbed the last set of stairs ending up in front of Amy's room. I stood there frozen for a moment before I slowly opened her door. It was like she never left. Her clothes was laying across her chair, everything looked normal. Being in here was like she was still alive. She was just out in the bathroom getting ready for bed. She would be here soon. And then we would talk for a few minutes like we always did before we fell asleep.

I got into her bed and under her duvet. It still smelled like her. I hugged her pillow close, inhaling deeply. And before I knew it I fell asleep surrounded by Amy, like she was still here.

"Come on hon'. Try to stop crying. You want to look good for Amy when you go and say your goodbye right?" Julie asked crawling under the duvet and hugged me. She had stayed over last night and was taking me to the funeral, she had even borrowed one of her parents two cars. I knew I had to go. I just couldn't get myself to do it. I didn't want to believe she was dead.

I hugged her one last time before I sat up. "Okay, we better get this over with." I mumbled before I got out of the bed and into the bathroom. Before I got into the shower I caught a sight of myself in the mirror. I looked terrible. My eyes were puffy from all the crying and my nose was red.

It all felt so unreal. Like I was just looking down at myself getting ready to go to my sister's funeral, like I wasn't really there. I had been a mess the last couple of days. Crying my eyes out, not wanting to talk with anyone. Amy had left our parents a goodbye letter. Nothing for me though.

Julie had bought a black dress so I didn't have to think about it. She had been so amazing and helpful the last couple of days.

We got ready together, none of us uttering a word. There was no need to. There was nothing to say. My sister had died way too young and nothing could change that.

When it was time to leave, I walked around my home making sure I had everything. I knew I was only doing so, because it meant I had just a few seconds more, before I had to step into that church.

I had promised my mum I would be there from the first person arrived to the last person left. So I had to get a grip and get out of that door so I could keep my promise to her.

We got to the church way faster than what I would have liked, there was no way out of it now. As Julie parked the car, I saw my parents exit their car with my grandfather following behind them.