Chapter 8

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Demi

The next morning I woke up in Nick's arms & I wanted to cry from relief. I felt better than I had in weeks & I was never so relieved to be this close to Nick. I came way too close to losing him & I never wanted that to happen again. I honestly don't think I could survive losing him. When would I learn my lesson? Was this finally going to convince me that I needed to hold on to him for dear life & not let go no matter how upset I was or how angry I was at him? I have come so close so many times to losing him & for two years I had lost him. I got him back & then what do I do? I push him away when things get tough. When I should be leaning on him & letting him be my hero, I shut him out. When I should be talking to him about how I feel, I close myself off to him completely. I was so selfish & so mad at myself for being so self absorbed. If I couldn't have a baby, it would be devastating to Nick as well. It wasn't just affecting me. Nick would be in just as much pain. I know Nick well enough to know that if someone else had to carry our baby, it would hurt him, but he would do it, if it meant having a family. If we had to adopt, I know his heart would break, but he would love that child more than anyone ever could. He was Nick & his heart was bigger than anyone's. He adored me. He loved me. He cherished me. He was committed to me. We were going to be a family & I was starting to be okay with that thought, no matter how it would come to be. 

I didn't realize I was crying until Nick reached up & wiped a tear from my cheek. "Demi? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He asked in a husky voice.  

His sexy inflection brought me back from inside my head. I managed a smile through my tears. "Nothing is wrong, now." I got up & laid my body on top of Nick's. I could feel his morning hardness on my leg. I put my hand on the side of his face, caressing his cheek, lovingly. I sighed. "I was just realizing how blessed I am to have you as my husband." I smiled, softly, as his hand came up to my face & his fingers grazed my forehead, sending shivers down my spine. "I don't know which way is going to give us a family, but I can't wait to have one with you." A few more tears fell from my eyes. 

Nick smiled up at me & I saw him swallow. His voice was raspy when he spoke. "I can't wait either." He kissed my lips. "And who knows. My sexy sperm may be knocking on your egg right now, sayin how you doin?" 

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life. Nick laughed along with me. "From your lips to God's ears." I said in a serious tone, when my laughter faded.  

"It doesn't matter to me, ya know. I'm going to love our kids no matter how they come to us." Nick tilted his head a little & smiled at me. His eyes & smile were genuine when he spoke. He meant it & I knew it. I never loved him more. I bent my head & kissed his lips. 

"Do you have to be anywhere today?" I asked. 

"Nope. I have all day to fill you with my strong & sexy sperm." 

I laughed, hysterically, again. "Oh, I hope your sperm is strong." I sighed. "I hope it doesn't give up. I hope they keep trying." I let out a small chuckle, even though I was dead serious. 

Nick's hands were in my hair & he pulled me so my lips were close to his. "My sperm don't know how to give up." He murmured before he kissed me with a purpose. I giggled behind his lips & I held onto him, letting him enter me once again.  

Nick & I spent most of the first part of the day in bed, making love & talking, making up for lost time. I talked to him the way I should have talked to him the three weeks I was an introvert. He listened as he always does & made me feel better just by simple phrases or sentences. The way he looked into my eyes as I poured my heart out, the way he held my hand & caressed it as I divulged my feelings. The way he wiped my tears as I cried about the unknown was just what I needed to reaffirm what I already knew. Those words that were above our bed were our truth. They spoke volumes about us & what we meant to each other. Nick's hands were going to hold mine as we built our future & planned for our family. 

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