Endless Bonds {BTY #2} ✔

EB 8: Where She's The One Who's Always Made Him Care, Laugh, And Smile

I opt for a joke, hoping to lighten the mood. "Damn, Jared must have been pissed you cock-blocked." It doesn't work.

"Cher," Tara snaps, eyes ablaze. "What the fuck, girl. What matters here is that you left without informing me and didn't answer my texts or calls until this morning when I asked for lunch. You know how that scares me. You had three drinks. For all I know, you could have been passed out drunk. Unsafe somewhere."

Guilt is a terrible thing. It seeps inside of me and takes residence for this moment. Granted, I should have been more careful and mindful of her feelings. I acted selfishly over the weekend when I stepped out of the bar to get fresh air...and then left without telling her. She deserves better.

Tara's always been there for me in the past. She deserves better.

"I'm sorry," I say around the rim of my bottle. "Tara, I'm...I'm sorry."

Tara's shoulders drop and she shakes her head as if disappointed.

And suddenly I feel like the worst person ever. Disappointment. I hate that feeling. I would rather she be furious with me. I need expressions. I need emotions. Anything is better than indifference. Tara has always looked out for me in the past and I can only imagine how it must have driven her insane.

Seeing Trenton again messes with me. Coming face-to-face with the boy who I grew up loving, who was my best friend, and who's hated me for the last year messes with my head. It hurts looking at him. Especially when he looks at me with his angry, wounded and reproachful eyes.

All I've wanted to do in the last year is fix what was broken inside of me. While I was busy mending myself internally, I didn't realize how much damage I was doing externally – like loosing my friendships. Namely the one I had with Trenton.

Back then I had needed to get over him, move on, and protect my fragile heart because I'd come to terms with the fact that he could never love me the way I used to love him for years. I needed to get stronger and tougher with my ex stepdad who thought it was okay to use fists instead of words on me.

I've achieved everything now, but there was so much that needed to be filled between the gaps.

"I never meant to worry you, Tara," I say honestly. "It just...it got stuffy for me in there, you know? I'm not used to that kind of atmosphere. Truth is I haven't gone much to bars or clubs in the last two years at Paris. I just needed fresh air." It wasn't a lie, but it was a partial truth.

"Trent drove you home." It isn't a question. It's a statement.

My mouth twists in a bitter smile. "And he left without even seeing me go in." Why it still bothers me, I don't know.

Tara runs her hand over her face and exhales brokenly. "Don't hold it against him, Cher. Trent, he's, you know, ah, changed a lot in the last two years."

I keep quiet and let her fill the silence as I eat.

"He keeps to himself. Rarely jokes much. Doesn't speak much. Not like he used to anyway. After...after Quentin..." Tara tears up a little bit and my armour cracks. My, God. I'm going to start to cry, too. The wound of Quentin's death is still fresh inside of me, especially since I never got closure. Especially since I feel like I let him down. I'm not ready to discuss my dead friend yet.

Tara clears her throat and looks away, as if to keep her composure. Quentin's death, even though it's been a little over a year, still haunts her. It haunts me too, Tara.

Her eyes move over the river to watch the slow waves drifted back in forth in peace. "Trent's isolated himself. Sometimes I feel like he feels like he has no one, you know? Even though we're all here, he's so far away. Distant. Occasionally emotionless. Physically he's present in the same room as us but his mind is elsewhere. Somewhere far away. It's hard to explain."