Never Been Ready

Home, sweet home

You'll be fine, I said to myself. Lake said live and that's what you'll do. You survived two years with the boys, you can do the same here. I had some extra cash from what I managed to sell at the pawn shop in the last city we'd been in so the first two months we'd be okay. It was a tough blow but I gave up all my valuable items and jewelry I had. My needs came second to my boys; as long as they had food and clean clothes, not much else mattered.

The streets were empty as I drove down past a suburb and then a row of shops along a coastline. If my window was down, I'd probably be able to smell the sea salt of the ocean and taste the spray in the air. I'd never seen the ocean before and neither had my boys so I know I'd need to make time to take them. I know they'd love it and just the thought of their happy faces brought a smile to my face.

Yeah, I thought idly, we'd be just fine.

About twenty minutes later, I could see the large apartment complex and pulled into the parking lot of the Sargent Jasper. There was an empty space next to a massive black SUV and a red Jeep Cherokee that had me hesitating because it was a bit of a tight fit on the boy's side but I was too exhausted to care. However, both cars looked fairly expensive that it made my old Chevy truck look pitiful. It made my chest ache a bit in envy, part of me wishing I could afford something like that but the bitter truth was, I couldn't.

I shook my head as I reversed in, shaking my morose thoughts away as I focused on keeping my truck within the lines and not scratching either car on side of me. I also had the thought that this could be someone's parking space but I'd deal with it in the morning if the resident had a problem. Which, I hoped not because the last thing I needed were to have my potential neighbors make complaints to the landlord.

I'm too tired to give a crap right now though.

A soft groan from beside me halts my train of thought. After parking the truck, I cut the engine and pull my seat belt off before leaning over to give my two sleeping boys a kiss on the cheek. I smile softly at Bryan's sleepy face as he sits up, clutching his police puppy tightly in his perusal. He blinks tired eyes at me, still half asleep but his curious nature is making him fight it. Connor doesn't wake, still dead to the world and I prayed to every god up there that he stayed that way. I was in no way ready to deal with two, hyperactive two-year-olds this late at night.

I wouldn't hold out hope on that, though. They've been known to do it in the past but a girl could dream.

"Hey my little man, we're here now." I tell Bryan softly, wiping the sweat from his brow and forehead before doing the same to Connor. He stirs a bit because Bryan keeps nodding off against him but doesn't wake from his deep sleep otherwise.

Bryan sits up again, dropping his police puppy as he turns to me in his sleepy state. "Home? Where's home? Mommy, I'm tired. Can we go now?" he tells me on a yawn, falling against the faded, green seats with his mouth open.

"In a minute, sweet boy. Just sleep, mommy has to grab our things first." And as if on cue, Bryan complies and finally succumbs to the sleep he was fighting. He's normally the tough one of the two to put to sleep but we traveled far so I wasn't surprised how tired my little men were. I just hoped they stayed that way for at least another three hours so I could get a bit of shut-eye myself.

Again, not holding out hope for that. It's been said that parent's lose about an hour's worth of sleep after their baby turns two – which would've been true if I only had one child but I have two and they were both boys so all those researchers and professors could stuff their statistics up their behinds.

The smile never leaves my face though and while the after effects of not getting any sleep starts attacking me, I get out and grab the few bags we have. I'm constantly shaking off sleep as I place them aside, grabbing the boy's two-seated stroller before moving to the passenger's side and pulling them out simultaneously. Bryan gives me a bit of resistance, probably cranky from being jolted from his sleep so soon but he clings to my left side as I grab his brother with my free arm. I feel Connor's little hands grip the dog tag's slung around my neck, making me gag a little but he does it so often that I can shrug into a comfortable position with him in my arms now. Connor doesn't rose much except for the quiet moan he utters from being moved but he quiets quickly enough when his head finds my right shoulder.