In Case of Heartbreak

21 | play

"Okay man," Dillon said, nodding in acceptance, "See you at practice Sunday."

Waving back at him, Dean watched as they all left without him. "You didn't want to go?" I asked, confusion creasing my forehead.

His eyes were bright as he turned to face me. There were no tells in his features to hint at whether he was bothered or upset, instead appearing simply content with his decision. "Just not in the mood for a party tonight," he shrugged, directing a soft smile towards me, "And I had something a bit more relaxed in mind."

"And what would that be?" I asked slowly, quirking an eyebrow despite the fact that I knew I'd follow him wherever he wanted to go.

"Come on," he said, turning back to face me after he'd stood up, extending a hand towards me, "I'll show you."

−−−−−−−−−−

I expected him to lead me towards the parking lot, after which we'd head home or stop off somewhere for some food.

What I didn't expect however, was to be wandering around the campus late at night.

Snow was falling lightly as we walked, and with no real route in mind, our footsteps carved a path in the snow while the chilling air nipped at the rosy skin of my cheeks. Shoulder to shoulder, our intertwined hands hung between us, and with the glare of the moon the only real light we had, the darkness consumed us.

"You played great tonight," I said, and while my words were quiet as they laced around the wind, there was an undeniable proudness to my tone.

"Thanks," he replied, though I noticed his smile didn't reach his eyes, which were once again hidden beneath the frames of his glasses.

Stopping mid-step, I turned towards him. "Was there some other reason you didn't want to go out tonight?" I asked hesitantly. "Did your coach not notice how well you were playing, or – "

"Katie," Dean cut me off, "nothing happened." He'd moved his hands to my shoulders during my short ramble, but as he took a step back, they retreated to his pockets. "Coach was actually impressed, and depending on how Scott's ankle looks, he said I might be starting next game."

"That's great."

Expecting a grin to appear, I was even more perplexed as the only movement on his lips was a slight twitch. "It is," he started, pausing for a moment, "But something just felt off."

My features drew together in confusion as I waited for him to continue.

He sighed, stepping further away from me as he sought out the old wooden bench that rested just a few feet behind us. Not caring about the thin layer of snow that covered it, I followed his movements, taking a set next to him. "I didn't tell my family that I'd been cleared to play," he admitted.

"Why not though?" I asked, resting my hand on top of his thigh. "They would've been excited to know how far you've come."

"I know that, and maybe, that's exactly why I didn't." He paused, his words settling into the silence that drew out between us. "Not so long ago, basketball was the only thing I was focused on. It's why I came to Duke; because they'd offered me a full scholarship and it was my best chance at getting to play professionally. I never saw a future for myself that didn't include a large crowd, the game I love, and a group of teammates I could count on, which was why I couldn't let myself get distracted by getting into relationships or focusing too hard in classes."

"Last season I started to notice the scouts watching me, and when I didn't get drafted, I knew that this would be my year. I was ready – I didn't have anything tying me here, but then the accident changed everything." His fingers found mine again, his expression completely neutral as his gaze locked with mine. "What I first saw as a bad thing turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I got to see my life from a new perspective, and things like building solid relationships and learning to love the program I'm in came naturally once I'd realized what I'd been missing. Basketball was a part of my life for so long, and I'll always love it, but I'm not so sure about playing professionally anymore."

There was the smallest of smiles pulling at his lips once he finished unloading his thoughts, his mind no doubt lighter, not having to keep all of these doubts inside.

"Your parents will understand," I responded a few beats later. "They'll just want to see you happy, and I'm sure Ryan will be supportive."

"I know," he admitted, "I think I just wanted to figure out for myself what I wanted before bringing them into the mix."

"Then thank you for trusting me with this," I said softly, squeezing his hand. "And whether or not you play, it doesn't matter to me. I'll still be here to support you either way."

He leaned in close, now completely at ease as he pressed his lips against my forehead and I relaxed against him. "I never doubted otherwise."

a/n: I know it's maybe not the way you saw this story going, but after all that Dean's experienced, this is just the way things lie with him. He didn't want to heal because it was essential to play again, but because he had to prove to himself that he could do anything he set his mind to - no matter how difficult.

Only four chapters left, and we've hit 200k reads, I can't believe it! Also, get ready for the new year, as that spy story I've been tinkering with is definitely in the works!