✔️ Tongue-Tied ➳ vmin

🥕6🥕

Seokjin is currently consumed in hysterics, his broad shoulders shaking with the force of his guffaws, sounding uncannily like a windscreen wiper. Perched on the edge of Jimin's bed, he cackles uncontrollably at the video streaming on his phone, the device nearly slipping out of his hands.

"Oh god, Jimin-ah!" He hiccups, "That was just so-" A fresh wave of chortles bubbles up from his throat as the blond rocks backwards and forwards on the spot. "Why does all the fun happen after we graduate, Yoongi?"

Jimin screams into his pillow in a spirited attempt to smother himself. Yoongi pats the younger's back sympathetically, fighting to keep a straight face.

"Calm down, Jiminnie," he drawls, a hint of a smile in his voice. "Kid's got some soulful singing. He even managed to pick your favorite song."

"I mean look at him!" Seokjin thrusts the phone into Jimin's face, stoked as he stabs a finger at the screen. "That's boyfriend material right there, Jimin! Why won't you even consider going out with such a perfect dude!? Not everyone gets serenaded in their lifetime—"

"He freaking sang 'Eyes, Nose, Lips' to me in the middle of the dining hall! At lunch! WITH ALMOST THE WHOLE SCHOOL POPULATION THERE!" Jimin hisses on the verge of hysteria, cheeks tinged bright pink at the memory alone. "Diving off a ledge sounds better than going out with that nutcase!"

Over the past month, Kim Taehyung has launched a full scale advancement in declaring his love for Jimin, embarrassing the other boy to no end. Ever since Taehyung had asked Jimin to date him, he had badgered the elder relentlessly, popping up conveniently in the least expected of places with his overflowing zealousness, his boisterous antics often leading to outrageous results.

Now notorious as being Kim Taehyung's 'object of desire', all of Jimin's friends have put down Jimin's endless denials to be the result of pure coyness, publicly 'shipping' him with Taehyung whenever and wherever. After that one asshole caught the whole 'confession' on film and shared it to SnapChat, the news spread across campus like wildfire, with everyone convinced that Jimin and Taehyung have a thing. Dance class is now a nightmare, with the constant teasing from his fellow dancers affecting his performance (Matthew had suggested that Jimin try out this amazing Kamasutra position during sex; a mortified Jimin had promptly tripped and landed on his face) and making him very, very grumpy. On a scale of one to ten, Jimin's level of grumpiness would probably be classified as Min Yoongi on a Monday morning with no coffee.

("Hey Jimin!" his fellow dance mate Ong Seongwoo had teased. "Where's your Tae Bae?"

Even after Jimin had aimed a swift kick at his ass, Seongwoo still had the breath to say 'Are you using your TAE-kwondo on me?'. Jimin swore that one day, Ong Seongwoo would get what was coming to him)

Jimin had turned to him and his other hyung, Kim Seokjin, for mental support, but they're proving to be no help at all. Seokjin hasn't stopped raving about how charming Taehyung is (though of course not as handsome as him, he claims), and the bastard had the nerve to actually film the entire serenade scene, making it a point to watch it on his phone at least ten times a day ("JIMIN, YOUR FACE WAS ALL RED, THAT'S ADORABLE."). Seokjin actually supports the "CarrotAbs" ship, as it's been dubbed, taking it upon himself to advise Jimin to "Stop wallowing in denial and just date the kid already."

"I don't get it!" Seokjin exclaims. "He's obviously very, very into you, judging by his current count of seventy-eight confessions. You want him to stop with the public confessions, and you also need to get laid." Ignoring Jimin's indignant squawk, he plows on. "Easy solution to both your problems—"

But his words are cut off by the pillow to his face, courtesy of Jimin's throwing skills.

"—accept him and go out with him," the eldest boy continues, undaunted. "Then he'll stop his quest to win your affections, and you'll get to finally have some sex. Seriously, Jimin. It's basic problem-solving."

"The main problem with your solution, hyung - I'm straight. Straight as a fucking ruler." Jimin grinds his teeth. "Do I need to spell it out?"

"I can see the veins popping in your forehead. Chill, shorty." Yoongi raises an eyebrow, "It's not as if we're asking you to marry the dude."

Jimin's face scrunches up in contempt, looking absolutely revolted at the notion.

"Marry him!?" The boy squawks, eyes bulging in fury. "I'll rather jump off the Empire State Building than even be seen with that incredible moron!"

"You're not even listening, Jimin," Yoongi sighs, "Look, with a guy this level of determined and fucking oblivious, the easiest way to get him off your back is to indulge him. Just go out with him and see if it goes to hell. If it doesn't, whoop-deedo."

"Why the hell would I date an asshat like him!?" Jimin throws up his hands in exasperation.

Yoongi holds up three fingers, striking the points off as he goes along.

"He's an idiot, blind, and dumb as fuck." The silver haired boy articulates smoothly. "Matches you to a tee. So why not?"

Hearing Yoongir's response, Jimin groans helplessly and sets to punching his pillow repeatedly, projecting Taehyung's bothersome face onto it. His hyungs have all universally proven to be unhelpful, traitorous assholes. The world is really coming to an end.

"But Yoongi-hyung—"

"I mean, what's not to like?" Yoongi shrugs, giving Jimin a sidelong glance. "Granted, he's an overenthusiastic, moronic dick, but it's not like you've got any room to talk in the stupidity department. And he doesn't seem like the type to deliberately try to humiliate you. Probably thinks that this shit is romantic, actually - side-effect of watching too many shitty romcoms. To sum it up," Yoongi pats Jimin on the head, "he's not that bad of a guy. Just give it a shot, Jiminie."

"And Hobie told me that Tae does a mean split," Seokjin muses, his expression unchanging. "The both of you will make some crazy flexible babies. Or have some crazy flexible sex." A beat of silence before Jimin finally boils over.

Yoongi hauls Seokjin out the door in a bid to escape Jimin's wrathful screech, dodging the array of pillows flying their way.

"Oh, and Jiminie." Yoongi pokes his head around the door, smirk on his lips. "Tell Taehyung you both have my blessing."

"And he's got the seal of approval from the former RA!" Seokjin chimes in, the two young men proceeding to dash out of the place at lightning speed, howling with laughter all the way back to their apartments.

Jimin chucks a pillow at where their heads were a split second ago, then turns and buries his face in another to muffle his incoherent rage. God, his friends are all such dicks.

Officially, the world has gone crazy.

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