Her fragile heart

9- Unsteady

"hold onto me, 'cause I'm a little unsteady"

It's funny to think that someone so small can have such a massive impact. After Edward left the room I couldn't help breaking down, I knew how careful we had to be and I wasn't. Maybe if I had said that I was going to go in the back seat, maybe then I would still have my baby girl but I don't and it's all my fault.

When I was all casted up, checked for internal bleeding and spinal cord injuries was when I was actually allowed to say goodbye to Elizabeth properly. It's been a very long night and I've had visitors from every single Cullen but I couldn't even keep up the conversation. I saw every look of pity and it just made it worse. Was it not bad enough that I had killed my own daughter with my reckless decision to sit in the passenger seat and get Edward to sing for us? No... Of course not. I had to see everyone give me looks of sympathy which made me feel even guiltier.

I can't face Edward and I don't think he can face me. He must be disgusted by his monster of a wife. I don't think anyone can understand the pain of loosing your baby, I was just so used to the idea that I was going to have a family, a proper one of my own and now what, nothing. All gone in the blink of an eye and nothing left but what could potentially be a broken marriage. You can't say I'm wrong though, what type of wife kills her own child?

When all the Cullen's are forced to leave for the night I drop my strong facade and the tears come tumbling down. A nurse comes into check on me and I ask her through watery eyes if I can see Elizabeth, she says I can but still casts me a pitying look. About ten minutes later she returns and places my tiny girl into my arms. I look at her closed eyes and small cold frame for what seems like seconds but is about fifteen minutes.

"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high,

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star,

And wake up where the clouds are far,

Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops,

Away above the chimney tops,

That's where you'll find me" By the end my voice is more of a strangled sob but I just carry on rocking her and caressing her tiny cheek as my tears roll down my own ones."Oh baby girl, you'll never know just how much you mean to me." I say and kiss her tiny, tiny forehead. She really is tiny, and can fit into one hand, her hands, ears and toes are barely there but she is still the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.

When the nurse comes to take her back away I really feel it. Nothing will ever be the same no matter how hard I try but whilst I'm in front of people I have to act like it is because if I don't I think I will ever be able to face the next day.

When the Cullen's find there way to the hospital the next day, I can tell just by there faces I look a mess. It must be obvious that I've been crying because my eyes are blood shot and puffy, to be perfectly honest with you I haven't slept a wink and I doubt I will ever again, especially in here.

Edward comes and hugs me but I find myself flinching from his touch, don't ask me why but I just do. His face was the picture of hurt so I force my eyes to look into his and then I kiss him. I don't want him to ever blame himself for what I have done.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I nod dismissively and Carlisle tells me that I should be allowed home today and that I'm in a hospital not too far from home. Nodding again I grab the bag that has been brought in with Alice.